.It's Torture.

Today it rained.

I was sitting at the front door and just watched it rained. I was hoping to see Ayah at the gate. Trying to manipulate my head.

Its torture living here.

Back at JB, I would only be reminded of Ayah atleast once a week. Sometimes I completely forgot that Ayah has passed away. But here, its different. Reality hits like shit and everyday I'm just thinking of Ayah. So you can imagine the mood Im facing everyday.

If my friend who's father has passed for so many years, and still she has not gotten over the passing, I can't imagine how long it's gonna take me to get over Ayah's passing. 

Its driving me nuts inside. Specially with Sahey not around. I'm starting to forget what its like to have a husband around. The 2 important men in my life are not around. :(.