.Palestine Update.

Theres been alot going on these days.

Scotland finally opening its door to Palestine refugees for safe haven but thing is, Palestinians will never run or abandon Palestine. They will fight til the end to protect Al Aqsa. It would have been better if Hamza brings whatever they got to Palestine. Never give that chance for Israel to conquer Palestine. NEVER!

Oh and they also bombed the 3rd oldest Christian church in Gaza. Would it take a church bombing to open up the eyes of the non-muslim supporting Israel? We'll see.

On my side of life, Alhamdulillah En Fairuz finally got someone to have the walls fixed. So the house is a bit dusty but nothing a few rounds of mopping couldnt solve. But, the thing is, the leak is within the walls. And I dont see these contractors doing anything to solve whatever problem thats within the walls. They are just putting thick layer of paint over the wall. Thats not gonna solve anything long term, adoih. Nevermind, Sahey said they're coming again next Friday so, Im gonna see if anything is gonna be done. Sigh.

.Random.

Alhamdulillah, bills all settled.. 

Planning to bring the kids to Danga Bay theme park kalau ade rezeki.. Aamiin.. Another 1 day and its Sahey's day off.

.Feisty Zombie.

Sejak budak² demam and then sambung pulak Sahey demam the past few weeks, I havent gotten any rest at all. 

Now my body is just aching and my mind is half awake. So most of the time Im unaware of what Im doing. Not to mention how moody Ive been all these weeks cause my brain cant accept any noise or voice interruption from anyone. Every small call is a trigger 😭.

Forgive me, Familia 😢.

.What A Long Day.

Sumpah arini penat gile. 

Sidai baju, vacuum, anta and amik Akid, g all over JB for groceries, ptg ayam, keluar balik beli makanan, homework Akid, ajar Ammar. 

My body just dont know when to rest.

Tonight starts Akid's first of three days of applying the eye drop from hospital. Ya Allah, semoga Engkau mudahkan hal² berkenaan dengan mata Akid.. Kau halang la aku sekiranya ade yg memudaratkan atau tidak memberi apa² kebaikan kepada Akid. AAMIIN... Ati risau sgt sebenarnye tapi diri cme nak yg terbaik untuk Akid.. Mama sayang sgt kt Akid..

Ok, time for me to rest!

.Worn Out.

Sometimes I tend to look the other way when I myself know Im already burnt-out. Its easy when you're so used to pushing yourself little by little until you meet the edge, and you jump. And when I jump, life gets messy with the husband and the kids.

And then Im back to my suicidal state like back in high school.

Its exhausting. 

But I just keep on going for the kids. 

Cause I know if I stop now, no one's gonna pick up from there on.

My kids are always up to help me out but I have trust issues. I have standard issues. I dont even know if its OCD or some other behavioural disorder shit that Im not aware of. But Id prefer I have it done myself.

I need a break. I need a holiday. I need my me day.

.News : Bad Vs Good.

Complained to 11street regarding the Seller who still haven’t posted my item yet til now. And requested for refund. But bodoh nye 11street said to give Seller time until 8th December! What the fuck? Da la lama kne tggu! And now kne tunggu lagi?! Bad solution 11street! I hate you now!

Then I manage to get through to Pos Malaysia customer service after listening to their STUPID HOLD SONG which was about 30 minutes that felt like HOURS! Turns out that my item was shipped back to China airport and now its been shipped back to Malaysia. And then you put the shipping status as SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY?? Ape gile??

I called MOTHERFUCKER MAXIS! And they said I have to wait until 2nd December PULAK for both line to be clear for telco change! BANGSAT! If 2nd December ko delay kan lg my issue, I WILL CREATE EVEN MORE ISSUE FOR YOU ASSHOLES!!!!

And topping off all that, MY KIDS WONT LET ME WATCH DC CROSSOVER!!!!!! I feel like I could just tear my hair off my head!!! YA ALLAH!! You’ve been conquering the TV WHOLE DAY like EVERYFUCKINGDAY! Give la mama just few hours of my show!!!

That wraps up the whole shitty news of yesterday!

For the good news.

1. My leather tool and my magnet snaps safely arrived home .
2. I ordered 2 7inch cake from Kak Diana because I was so stressed over bad news! Green Tea and Velvet Cheese! Will be picking it up today morning InsyaAllah.
3. Will be having dinner with Nisa and some college friends, which I’m not sure if I know them or not, at Stulang, Saturday night .

HAAAAHHHHHHH! I FEEL SO TIRED!

.This Small Boat Is Sinking FAST!.

Arini aku stress. Stress sgt,

I've been yelling 1 whole day at the kids because of small mistakes. I've been trying to shut my eyes but I cant get a good sleep! Sneezing is annoying me to the max! All because of this fight me and Sahey are going through.

Wait is my blog private or public?

You know what. I DONT CARE!

I dont have anywhere else to let these off my chest so I am gonna crap shit in here.

It was a month break up before we got engaged. So why did you chased after me if you're not willing to change??????

Did you know what I threw away just to show you that I meant it when I said I'll change if that'll make things for the better???

And what did you do for a change to improve this relationship???\

If you think it was as easy as giving up my piercings, YOU THOUGH DAMN WRONG!!!! EVEN THOSE PIERCINGS OF MINE MEANT A LOT TO ME!! EVERY LITTLE DAMN HOLE I MADE ON MY FACE!!!

I've gave you what you wanted, so what more do  you want just so you'd give up your "SINGLE LIFE" habits for your family???

Its funny how everyone thought we're a happy married couple when truth is, we're screwed and just waiting for this small boat to sink! NO! Truth is, this small boat is already sinking but I'm holding both my kids up high so they don't drown with us!

Da a smpai sni je.

Aku penat.

.Nerve-Wracking.

Sometimes when you have a dream that you know you will do whatever it takes to realize it, it gives you that fast heartbeat and shivers. Cause you're nervous to face the outcome. The reaction of others. But you try to put all that aside and hope everything turns out as expected or more.

Dammit.

I need to stay calm and put priorities in order.

I know no one understands this crap. Its to soothe myself.

This is nerve-wracking!!!

Cause I know when Im about to put good things to action or bring dreams to life, SOMETHING ALWAYS TURNS OUT WRONG!! And its not even my fault!! Life's just jealous of me!!!!

.FUCK THIS.

Today was a bad mouth fight with Noni that ended up with her took off out of the house.

It wasnt any of my intention but i had an exhausting day with aching all over my body and she just happened to pull out words at the bad time and i slipped my inner hell on her worst day.

Im very sorry. And yes, I did apologize and got her back home. Alhamdulillah.

Honestly, there is just so much anger contained in me that it most of the time makes the button extra sensitive.

How dad always misjudge me and punish me infront of the other siblings somehow makes them disrespect me. He always makes it obvious to others that I am the black sheep and makes me the example of how black sheep should be treated. And this is how they treat me. Its so sickening how dad sets their mind. He doesnt notice this cause he's busy satisfying himself by punishing people. I really hate how he thinks he is GOD and how he thinks he is ALWAYS RIGHT! IT TOOK TOLL ON MY MARRIAGE! And Im the one being hated!!!p

I CANT CRY CAUSE ITS PATHETIC!!! AND I CANT SCREAM CAUSE HES NOT LISTENING!!!! AND I CANT KILL MYSELF CAUSE I DONT WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO RAISE AND MISTREAT MY KIDS!!!! AND I CANT GET OVER THE PAST!!!!!

SO TELL ME WHO I SHOULD POINT THIS BLAMING FINGER AT???!!!!

FUCK THIS!

.Typical Orang Kg Melayu.

Truth is, its not that I dont like you. But I hate you. Like seriously fucking hate you.

You wear head gear. You preach about all the good things on your IG. You preach about being a better person or how everyone should be as good as alim as you. And yet, have you looked at yourself in the mirror?? You full of bullshit I can tell you that!

You talk about people. You make them look bad. You exaggerate about people in the middle of someone's conversation. And you talk about being a saint but you cant even pull it off without your masks off!!

Haih tlg la.... You dont have to say or explain. From the looks and the words you wrote on your virtual walls, I can tell you've talked shit about me with your family and friends.

LOW!

Just so you know, org mcm ko ni la yg aku menyampah nk layan.

SO FUCK IT!

.There's Nothing Left.

I just wanted a perfect work station for me to be alone and have some time to myself..

Look at me.

I've already missed my chance to study what I wanted.
Lost the job I loved before marriage because my parents interfered with my life.
Tore my dreams to pieces cause you never gave full support.

What else do you want destroyed? Theres nothing left da.

I already down. Broken. Mad. Frustrated. Disappointed. Heartbroken. And everything!

I need a workstation so that I can keep my brain going and working. Not rusting, dumb and malfunctioned!

* I honestly feel so dumb being a housewife but I'm never letting anyone look and care after my kids. Not after what happened to me. *

.Messed Up.

Its been a week of exhaustion . .

The only time I get to sleep is between hour 8am to 9.30am amd 5pm to 6.30pm . . As for the rest of the hour, I am either wide awake or a walking zombie !

No sleep at all !!! Even during midnight til morning . Penat !

Losing appetite . Losing sleep . Losing energy . The kids have completely turned my days upside down . Smpai mood nk masak pn da xde !!!!!!!!!!

Ble nk tdo je budak2 nages . Ble nk rehat je budak2 gadoh . Ble nk buat keje rumah ke budak2 mntk buat hal . Ble nk masak je adra mntk dukung !!!! Sakit kepala ! Im already stressed out cause abg only eats rice 1 spoon a day (IF IM LUCKY!!) .

HE DOESNT EAT ANYTHING OTHER THAN MILK! I HAVE TO FORCE HIM TO EAT! IT WORRIES ME!!!!!! I WANT HIM TO BE HEALTHY! ALLAH HAIII .

Im gonna have a long break on Sahey's day off ! I am gonna make sure of it !!!

.My Note 2 Is BACK!.

Assalamualaikum,

So I have waited patiently for a month so for my Note 2 to be fixed and Alhamdulillah, is back! The feeling is not the same though since the previous motherboard was broken so replaced with a new 4G motherboard and yea, all is lost :(.. Basically its like having a new Note 2 with an used and abused housing lol.

Its gonna take a while for me to recall what was installed before. Haihhh...

Alhamdulillah, my jubah has already been sent to tailor for all >50 pieces. InsyaAllah semoga dimurahkan rezeki niaga.. Aamiin aamiin aamiin... I want to buy a netbook and a bicycle for Abg :).. And a necklace for Adek with her name on :)..

Btw, had my hair brutally chopped off due to me and sahey's fight few days ago.. Turned out ugly but was expecting something even worse than that. So all is good..

Have a happy fasting month everyone :)..

.Sleepless Nights.

No, I am not complaining, but these sleepless nights are really taking toll on my face and my emotions.

I feel so moody in day and night. I get so upset when I see others sleep so peacefully and not offering a helping hand in the night cause there is no one in the night except me..

So I kept myself sane, steady and calm by reminding myself that this is what my mother went through raising me up specially when I was a hardcore cryer back then and plus my mom had a job. How and where she got all those energy to go through each day half alive :'(.. I love you mom..

I'm such a loser. I cant even handle myself, how am I gonna handle my little baby :(..

Haihhh sabar Nadhirah Rosli...

Subhanallah (33x) , Alhamdulillah (3x) and Allahuakbar (33x) before sleep for another day's energy to be a wife and a mom..
Aamiin aamiin aamiin...

.Kepada Anak Lelaki Yang Leka!.

Ye, aku mmg seorang yg sgt garang, tegas, strict dan overprotective.

Aku penting kan masa depan keluarga aku more than anything and slagi aku boleh nasihat and tegor, aku buat.

Aku rasa xadil ble anak2 perempuan yg amik berat hal kewangan and kesihatan mak bapak tp anak laki cme tau abiskan duet tu tuk entertainment die.

Aku rasa xadil ble anak2 perempuan yg prihatin cr keje tuk tanggung keluarga and diri sniri, si anak laki konon nk cr keje tp usaha pn xde, tp abiskan duet mak bapak laju.

Aku rasa benggang ble anak pmpn bsungguh nk jg kesihatan mak bapak die, bg nasihat and cadangan, tp si anak laki rosakkan sume and xtlg nasihat mak bapak sniri. Sebaliknye, ajak makan lua yg masakkan x ikot diet kesihatan mak bapak yg semakin ari semakin tua.

Aku rasa kurang ajar kalau mak bapak bhutang sana sini tuk tanggung keluarga pasal masa dlu, anak die sibuk kejarkan entertainment die.

Aku rasa nyampah ble anak2 pmpn sanggup ketepikan nafsu tuk bli barang die ske demi nk jg masa depan adik2 and parents tp yg laki ni aslkan ade peluang, die gnekan peluang tu tanpa pikir panjang masa depan keluarga. Cetek and singkat otak ko pikir.

Tanggungjawab ko kt sape and kt mane skang??
Kt mak bapak ke atau kt entertainment bullshit ko??

Ble tegor benda betol, ko merajuk, menjawab, biadap, tutup telinga, buat bodoh.
Ble kne marah and maki, menangis.
Ngat org ske ke nk buat ko sedey atau terasa hati?
Tp aku lg MALU, ble org lua yg tegor pasal perangai lalai ko. MALU!
Pasal tu aku tegor,
Pasal lelaki len tau berdikari.

Otak jgn sibuk melayang obsess kan dunia fantasy sedangkan reality ko xterurus and xterjaga.

Ko ngat mak bapak ko nk tanggung ko smpai ble??
Jgn smpai satu ari dorang da xde, baru ko ter hegeh2 nk blaja cr duet.
Malu la skit!
Pasal ko tu, LELAKI, yg tanggungjawab kt keluarga, BESAR dan BERAT!!!