Its that time of the year again. Ayah's passing day is just round the corner and its also around this time of the month I suddenly find myself looking through old photos of the family.
Ya Allah, it breaks my heart to realize how life used to be simple even with all the fights going around. Now I find myself straying away from the Subang family. Just running away from something. Padahal inside, I miss them but I just keep telling myself that everyone dies someday so its better if I dont get myself too attached to them. Or I'll end up like how I am now. Running away from guilt of not spending enough time while they're alive. What is this sickness.
Assalamualaikum Ayah.. Hows it been where you are.. I know you're not gone.. You're just somewhere unreachable but I'll see you again someday Ayah.. I hope you know that I cant get myself to delete your contact. When its there, I feel like you're still close to me. I tried calling you few times but it goes to voicemail. Im glad. Im glad no one is using your number :'). Though it would have been nice if the voicemail was your voice. I miss your voice.. But Alhamdulillah, Im glad I didnt delete the photos that I promised myself to delete it. Just couldnt get around to do it. And I dont regret it even if it pains me to see the photos play inside my head. Ayah, I keep saying this I'll keep on saying it.. Forgive me for not being there for you during you last days. Forgive me for not making time to be around you when I had the time and money. Forgive me Ayah. Aamiin...
You're strong Dira.. You'll make it through this month like the last time.
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