.Day 2 Kindergarten Orientation Day.

Today I handled the kids on my own.. Alhamdulillah, manageable but itu lah, masak at 5am cause I wanna make sure the kids have their nasi and lauk before going to school.
Tomorrow is gonna be the same.

I was at the gate waiting for school hours to end and thats when I saw abg wearing his spare pants I packed for him. Meaning, he wet his pants -.- lol.. I hope the teachers didn't hurt him physically and emotionally for that little incident cause its a learning process.

Teacher's comments:
1. Abang is finally involving himself with other kids and class activities..
2. Adra slowly learning to part away from abg.. Its a slow progress but she'll get there..
3. Both still a little quiet with the teachers.. Not much talking and asking yet, still pointing to communicate.

Tomorrow's the last day of orientation.. Hopefully there'll be much progress :).. InsyaAllah, Aamiin..

.Day 1 Kindergarten Orientation Day.

Alhamdulillah, today’s abg and adek’s first day at school. Not officially but its an orientation so yea, still attending school.

Abg wanted to follow me home but then he saw a friend arrived and he was ok.. Adra on the other hand, she just watched me with sad eyes while I walk out the gate.. But I had to let em go. Even I was heavy hearted to leave them behind but it had to be done. First time parting from the kids (padahal 8 til 12pm je)..

Teacher’s comments:

1. Adra’s TOO clingy with Taufiq! They separate the boys and the girls during breakfast lunch play time and prayer but Adra couldn’t care less. She still went to her brother –.-“. Even after the teacher told her not to. So that’s gonna take a while to sort.
2. Abg and Adek still haven’t got the guts yet to ask the teacher for the loo. So they hold their pee for hours! BAD! REALLY BAD! But they’ll learn to come upfront.
3. So far, no fights yet between abg adek and the other kids! ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

.Things To Buy.

Reminder. Online buy :

1. OmniGrid ruler
2. Either one Coconut Oil:
   - BioFinest
   - Nutiva
   - Other choices of Nutiva brand

Shit and iron!

.ECZEMA IS BACK!.

My eczema is starting again. The small patch of dry skin has already started to spread. Note to self on below link.

• https://www.permaculture.co.uk/readers-solutions/5-natural-cures-eczema
• https://www.amazon.com/Equate-Strength-Hydrocortisone-Anti-Itch-Cortizone-10/dp/B00CIFL3CO?tag=reader0b-20

Reminder!

• Change my cleanser
• Change shampoo soap detergent with the ones with no paraben
• Buy aloe vera plant
• Put VCO on face at night
• Control my stress level

I WONT LET YOU WIN THIS TIME STUPID ECZEMA!!!

.The Perfect Stitch.

Have I ever told you how I came to love sewing?

Well, it started back in Africa.

Mom was sitting on the sofa sewing something. I think it was dad’s shirt. I was watching her. I said I wanted to give it a try.. She said ok. She showed me how to thread. How to sew. From one hole to the other hole. I didn’t like how I sew cause the way I sew wasn’t as smooth as mom’s. Hers was just flawless and the way she holds her needle was just settling.

On that school year, coincidentally, there was sewing class! And my love for sewing just grew.

Anyways, I stopped sewing when we came back to Malaysia. In fact, a lot of things stopped when we moved back to Malaysia. The reason why I hated Malaysia. Cause I had to leave so many things behind and quit so many things I love.

Now that love sparked back ..

And I just found my perfect sewing on Youtube . Thank you Youtubers ... And thank you adhesive spray for sewing easier!

.A Selfish Wife I Am.

Sigh.

Maybe I should be ashamed of myself.

My previous post was typed out of anger and disappointment.

I was complaining how Sahey didn’t make time for me. And today, all of a sudden, he didn’t go for work. I asked him whether it was half day workday. And he said he took a day off. I said why? And he said so that I could have my time to make my notebooks.

    

I don’t know what to say!!! I was just left there speechless on the dining table.

Sigh.

Although 1 day is not enough, but, thank you for your consideration.

And I am sorry I’m such a selfish wife ...

I love you so much Baba...

.Adil Ke???.

Someday I hope you see what Ive given up for you!

But let me list them out here just in case you still dont see or realize it.

1. My independence
2. My freedom
3. My poetry
4. My piercings
5. My drawing
6. My business
7. My bookbinding hobby

You why I had to give all that up???

Cause you're too busy chasing money that you dont even have time for family! That you cant make time for my hobbies!

So I had to give all that up so that the kids are not abandoned by their parents! And so that you could chase all the money in the world without blaming me for any lack of savings! And yet you can still make time for your hobby!!!

Adil ke???????

.Beautiful Waxed Thread!.

Alhamdulillah my MOST awaited parcel just arrived safely!!! CANTEK KN THE COLOURS! And I am definitely gonna buy more in the near future!!!

Look who’s got their new school shoes .. They were so excited lol! Akid on the other hand, will only have me as his friend when Abg and Adek are at school til noon hehe.

Can’t wait for the teacher’s call to pick up their school uniforms!

Mom and dad said they wanna be there on the kids first day at school .. InsyaAllah bole aje .. Semoga Allah swt mudahkan segalan urusan persekolahan anak2 aku.. Aamiin..

.Bless Your Soul NekLong.

I just finished my plate of sweet foods.

I was going through my wishlist in all my online shopping sites, and I just noticed, that its gonna take forever for me to buy all of em. My wishlist is gonna grow, but my money isn’t.

Hopefully Sahey approves of giving me my share of his pay in Singapore Dollar. It’ll be way cheaper buying these stuffs in dollar!

I need to start making books! I’ve been so unproductive this whole year cause Sahey’s not giving me the time I need for my self therapy. Im always stressing over small things. It’s tiring me!

Today I went to Neklong’s house. She just passed away. I don’t really know her or remember her, but she’s Nenek’s sister, so she’s still someone to me. And plus, I finally got to meet Nenek, Maklong, Busu Pisha, Mak Teh Pak Teh, Busu Amat and Kak Nani . Al-Fatihah to my Neklong. May Allah swt bless her soul and all her deeds. Aamiin.. Allah loves you more .. She went on Friday on Maulidur Rasul. I’m glad Akid was there to cheer everyone up.

Too bad though mom and dad couldn’t make it to Johor Bahru because of the terrible traffic! Maybe next time InsyaAllah.

.News : Bad Vs Good.

Complained to 11street regarding the Seller who still haven’t posted my item yet til now. And requested for refund. But bodoh nye 11street said to give Seller time until 8th December! What the fuck? Da la lama kne tggu! And now kne tunggu lagi?! Bad solution 11street! I hate you now!

Then I manage to get through to Pos Malaysia customer service after listening to their STUPID HOLD SONG which was about 30 minutes that felt like HOURS! Turns out that my item was shipped back to China airport and now its been shipped back to Malaysia. And then you put the shipping status as SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY?? Ape gile??

I called MOTHERFUCKER MAXIS! And they said I have to wait until 2nd December PULAK for both line to be clear for telco change! BANGSAT! If 2nd December ko delay kan lg my issue, I WILL CREATE EVEN MORE ISSUE FOR YOU ASSHOLES!!!!

And topping off all that, MY KIDS WONT LET ME WATCH DC CROSSOVER!!!!!! I feel like I could just tear my hair off my head!!! YA ALLAH!! You’ve been conquering the TV WHOLE DAY like EVERYFUCKINGDAY! Give la mama just few hours of my show!!!

That wraps up the whole shitty news of yesterday!

For the good news.

1. My leather tool and my magnet snaps safely arrived home .
2. I ordered 2 7inch cake from Kak Diana because I was so stressed over bad news! Green Tea and Velvet Cheese! Will be picking it up today morning InsyaAllah.
3. Will be having dinner with Nisa and some college friends, which I’m not sure if I know them or not, at Stulang, Saturday night .

HAAAAHHHHHHH! I FEEL SO TIRED!

.Our Telekung Arrived.

Alhamdulillah.. Telekung ibu anak arrived safely yesterday! I thought it’ll never arrive cause it took forever and there was no update online. And now, Adra doesn’t need to wear my tudung instant as her telekung .

And then there’s me and the love of my life .

Although he’s been doing a lot of OTs, we had a very well time spent together with the kids .

I love you A.S.A ..!

.Loius Le Petite Lightweight Stroller by Alpha Living.

Its late. But Afiq is not back home yet so I’ll just stay awake until he’s back.

I went to my bookbinding Idol’s page and MasyaAllah I am just so amazed by her work .. She’s in the USA and I told her if she’s ever coming to Malaysia, I hope she’d give me a private workshop to help me improve myself. She’s so humble :’)..

Anyway, the stroller arrived!

Louis Le Petit Lightweight Stroller by Alpha Living

Honest review :

1. It is lightweight as in I can carry it with just one hand holding the folded stroller and the other hand opening the bonet. If you have to know, my bonet’s spring is broken, so you can imagine the heavy weight I’m holding on one hand.
2. The wheels are just smooth and manoeuvrable! It gave me no trouble going back and forth, left and right.
3. Compact? I was a little disappointed with this one. I thought it was small. Small as in I can fit it in a shopping bag or garbage plastic bag. But no. Its flat. But wide. Pfft! So much for compact.
4. I love the fabric. The colour. And the height of the stroller seat!
5. The shopping basket is normal size. They say large capacity but its only standard size.

Akid is getting use to the new stroller cause the seat of his previous stroller was pretty low. And he doesn’t like the handle bar, but he’s gonna have to get use to that one too. So yea, all is good .

.Al-Azhar Kindergarten.

InsyaAllah as far as budget goes, this will InsyaAllah be abg and adek’s kindergarten..

Strong love magnet towards this one. Don’t know why but something puts me at ease every time I  see this kindergarten. I am gonna trust my mother instinct and pray to Allah swt that InsyaAllah this is the best for my kids .. Aamiin.. And plus I love the teacher that I met for registration fee interview .

InsyaAllah.

.Pain Pain Go Away.

This whole chest pain and increase of Gram in pain killer is getting a little too serious.

I’m taking 2 pain killers in one time now. Usually the pain killer would make me drowsy and then I’d sleep. But this time, it doesn’t. Even when I took 2 pills!

I just cant afford the pain at this stage of life. Abg and Adra needs me now more than ever. I cant let pain slow me down.

Yesterday went shopping at Jusco Taman U. And bought this romper for Akid, Aim and Umaar.. Bole pulak lpe nk beli tuk Tariq, Mimi’s newborn!!! Xpe, next time pergi Jusco can buy for Tariq..

I just love babies . Specially when they are family.. Next time shop for baby clothing. kne beli 7 baju together. But only when its on sale . Taufiq. Adra, Akid, Numan, Nuaim, Umaar and Tariq.

.Postponed Goals, 50% Accomplised.

It has already been 5 days since the kids started potty training.

The first day was tough as hell. For me and the kids. They got scolded and butt-smacked each time they peed on the floor. Specially Adra. Cause she peed every 2 – 3 minutes!!!! I had to mop the floor every 2 – 3 minutes! HAND MOP!

I thought they’d never learn but Alhamdulillah, the next day, I was surprised when Adra asked for the toilet when she had to pee! Although it was every 2 – 3 minutes, I didn’t mind, as long as she’s asking for the toilet. I know she’s still learning to control and predict when the pee is coming.

Abg on the other hand, still wets the floor sometimes cause he’s too lazy to speak! So yea, he’s still getting the butt-smacking and scolding.

My target is 1 month.

First week : Day potty training

Second week : Night potty training

Third week : Outing potty training

Forth week : All goals achieved

I want to get them ready before kindergarten starts which is January next year! And yes, they do teach potty training there but I want them to be prepared in advance cause they’re already late.

Like mom said, it’ll be few months of hell when potty training your kids. I certainly know that now! But Alhamdulilah, Allah swt helped out ALOT. They learned really fast and Allah swt lent me strength and patience. To me, only the first day was hard and trouble. From then on, its just smooth and easy. No chest attacks .

________________________________

Moving on ~~~~~~

Alhamdulillah, we have found a suitable kindergarten for both abg and adek .

Very near.

The kindergarten branch at Taman Perling was closed this year due to renovation but will be opened next year 2018. So for now as the teacher said, there’s only 6 kids for 5 yo class and no kid for 4 yo class. Just enough kids for abg to socialize and focus in class and less bad influence from other kids. Adra on the other hand, I am not worried much InsyaAllah cause she can always see her brother from just across her classroom.

I hope this strong love magnet that I am having towards this kindergarten will do my kids future education bright and excellence . Aamiin..

A little expensive but InsyaAllah its within our budget. Aamiin..

Will proceed with payment before 1st December this year.

________________________________

Dang I got so much to think about.

I’ve almost accomplished alot of last years postponed goals just this mid November. Giving myself credit and I’m proud of myself. . Alhamdulillah, all thanks to Allah swt for making things possible. Aamiin..

.People Like You and Me.

Kadang2 it saddens me.

I am more of my father. He’s been my idol for so long despite his tempers and harsh words. Tough love. Him from his father, and me from my father. But there’s good in him. And somehow I have been observing and criticizing his bad side for too long, that it affected me. And hurting the people I love most.

I wish I could tell my hubby and my kids and Afiq to not let my words get through to their heart. They keep telling me to change myself. Truth is, I have tried so hard. I took their advice, I kept myself away, I kept words to myself, I tried it all. But the more I control, the more I contain myself, the bigger the blow,  when one small thing triggers that wrong side of my feeling at the wrong time.

With people like me and ayah, everyone needs to build sound proof walls around them. But even so, judging from my experience, no matter how thick and how good those sound proof walls are, you still get hurt. Cause you try to tell something to their face, the truth maybe, but they can’t hear you. Cause all they hear is themselves. That’s what our father daughter relationship is like. And ever since I have my own family, my own home, I’ve become the problem. And everyone’s either afraid to talk to me, or making distance away from me. And life starts to get lonely even when you tell yourself you’re gonna make this right tomorrow. But deep down, you know that you’re too close to too late.

It hurts. It really hurts.

People like me and dad, we think we have got it all figured out what’s best for everyone, but we forget to ask those people’s opinion when we made decisions that was suppose to be theirs. Cause people like me and dad, we’re afraid to watch others fail and regret later in life.

Atleast dad’s a better and successful loser than I am .

I only pray that who I am, better not screw up my marriage and my kids life. Aamiin..

.Not Cut Out For This.

Few orders from 11.11 sale is already on its way here from China .

Alhamdulillah.

Just few items that still record not updated yet online. Slow work lagi2 when its from China.

I am thinking of going back to Subang. I really cannot do this whole potty train alone. Specially when I cannot do heavy work anymore . But to live in Subang for 3 months, means dealing with stairs, dealing with mom and dad’s house rules, dealing with other peoples mess, dealing with 2 storey house chores and so much more! Memang lg penat aku gtau ko.

Dammit this is so tiring!

If I don’t do this now, when? Next year they will be in school already. Pening la kepala when only one side is doing all the hard work! Its both of us pny responsibility as a parent do you know that??

Enough for now.

My baby needs me.

.Potty Train Lah Sangat~.

Penat sangat today..

I am suppose to potty train Taufiq and Adra today but I am already so tired and its not even half day yet. Sahey is not giving me the help I need!

So right now they are wearing pampers back. But I am gonna take it off right after I have this sleep I am gonna take right now.

Ya Allah, mudahkan urusan aku tuk kebaikkan anak2 aku.

I am weak!

Sigh.

.He's Back. Alhamdulillah.

So Sahey's big surprise for me and the family finally arrived. It was HP ProOne 400 PC :).

Now I have a laptop and a PC! So the old PC, I am gonna send it for fixing and I am gonna give em to my sister. I think she needs it more than me needing the money after selling it away.

So I tried to make a book of my life. Like what dad is doing since forever. Guess what.
Turns out I suck in writing! Baru 1 muka surat and I deleted the whole thing. I feels like such a waste of time. I mean who wants to read about other people's life? Not me. And I doubt anyone would be interested to read it either.

I like doing assignments and work stuff. Cause there's a purpose and goal to it.
But writing about myself?? And my life?
I don't see the point. Keeping it to myself is a better option.

Afiq is back home.
Alhamdulillah.

After the big fight, I had this long deep thought to myself and I find myself realizing that I am not the kinda sister who have the heart to abandon my own siblings. Its just not me. I have been looking out for them since forever, I wont make an irrational decision to dump them now. I'm glad I had that conversation with myself as I cleaned his room and folded his shirts. I cant yell at someone to change to the better. I learned that there are more ways to do that. Even if it means being patient and being the example of who you want them to be.

I lack patience. Maybe this is how Allah swt wants to teach me.
By accepting other peoples flaw.
I was never good at that too. Specially the weak ones. Allah.

Enough.

I am just glad Afiq is where I am able to protect him.

Alhamdulillah.

.Damn You 11.11 SALE!.

I spent RM1k ++ on 11.11 sale. Lazada, 11Street and Aliexpress.

Ya Allah. Semoga selamat sume parcel2 ku sampai ke rumah.. Aamiin..

Overspent but its for good cause. Bkn beli barang saje2 je kali ni mcm handbag or shoes or lipstick and shits.

Gementar nk menunggu.

Selamat Malam

.Shopping List.

Thanks 11.11 Sale..

I spent almost RM1K on notebook tools and bookbinding stuffs. I hope it arrives safely to me.. InsyaAllah, Aamiin..

And then my fingers gatal sgt went searching for clothing online tp naseb baek I didnt make any purchase! I was already half way in completing my check out! Hai engkau nafsu!!

Mentang2 la duet ade ko laju je nk beli bnd yg x penting..

Others that still needs to be bought:
1. Printer G2000
2. E6230 Chassis palmrest/touchpad replacement
3. 1TB hard drive for laptop
4. Leather leather and leather!

.Wedding Door Gift.

Alhamdulillah.
Finally bought myself a secondhand Dell notebook after my old PC died.

I had this idea of making door gift goods for Afiq or Syikin's wedding XD.

A small leather notebook and a wooden pen, wrapped in recycled paper and a ribbon. With a THANK YOU note for attending their wedding...
What do you think?

And no, I am not saying they are getting married anytime soon.
Just an idea. A thought. A way to kill time and practice.

:)

.Another 1 Year.

Alhamdulillah..

Problem with Afiq is settled.
He's moving back into my house..
I just cant bare to know mom and dad are paying for another rental house just for him. That would mean, double of all utility bills. Belom lg furniture.
Cant. Burden my mom with financial problems at that age.

I'll keep myself together for another year.
InsyaAllah.
Aamiin..

.Mom's Healing.

InsyaAllah tomorrow will be going back to Subang Jaya.

Mom finally replied my text. She just needed some time to heal from all this sibling mess.

Told her that my family will be staying at USJ9 hotel (since Afiq keje mengungkit), and she insisted we stay at Subang but no way can I look at Afiq's face for 1 whole day. And tomorrow too we will be discussing about Afiq moving into my house again. I made that offer only for ibu's sake. She doesnt deserve anymore financial burden at this age.

And so thats all for now.

Adra's curcumcision on the 4th November at 2.30pm..
Wuh! Your mama's nervous for you syg..
Semoga Allah swt mudahkan urusan kamu Adra.. Aamiin..

.Goodluck Handling The World.

Buat masa ni mmg bg aku elok la ayah ibu x tegur aku and lebey more to Afiq's side. He needs em more than I do. Situations like this, I am very familiar with. I always make it out alive Alhamdulillah.

And not to mention now that I have my own family by my side, its more than enough, syukur Alhamdulillah.

Whatever bullshit Afiq wants to tell the whole world about me, it doesnt bother me and I just dont care. I have better and bigger things to worry and to take care of.

He needs to grow up. And hopefully my actions of kicking him out and letting him live on his own will give him a new prespective of life and surviving.

Sampai bile nk berkepit bawah ketiak mak bapak je.
Konon da besar. So act like one.
Konon nk jd abg long la bagai. But couldnt act like one.
Mulut je bising lebey but no action.
Cant even solve shit on his own. Poor thing.

If he thinks I am mean, he should learn the world is meaner.
I am being forward.
The world can give him so many good faces but they will talk shit behind his back.
If he cant embrace me than he has got a lot to learn.

Jgn tolak keluarga ke tepi just cause they are mean. They are mean for a reason. You're just too naive to accept those reasons.

.Too Old For This Shit.

This whole kicking Afiq out of the house has gotten really serious. Dad thinks I am cutting the sibling silaturrahim.

It was never about that.
Its about letting him live outside the nest. He needs to spread his weak wings and learn to be independent. Bkn duduk bawah ketiak mak bapak je.
No wonder he hasnt grown up yet! Harap badan je besar.

So now ayah ibu wont talk to me.
But thats ok.
This is another familiar situation and I have been here one too many times before.
I have nothing to prove cause I did my part.

And I dont need to hide behind my parents.
I dont need my parents to be my army to fight this pathetic war.
Shows he's not strong enough to face a small struggle. A small challenge.

Enough talk.
I dont need another crap on my plate at this age.
Im too old for this shit.

.Doctor Handbag and Wallets Arrived.

All arrived on the same week!!
I am just loving all of the items I bought~~~~
Specially the long wallet!!
Ok that all haha...