.Nerve-Wracking.

Sometimes when you have a dream that you know you will do whatever it takes to realize it, it gives you that fast heartbeat and shivers. Cause you're nervous to face the outcome. The reaction of others. But you try to put all that aside and hope everything turns out as expected or more.

Dammit.

I need to stay calm and put priorities in order.

I know no one understands this crap. Its to soothe myself.

This is nerve-wracking!!!

Cause I know when Im about to put good things to action or bring dreams to life, SOMETHING ALWAYS TURNS OUT WRONG!! And its not even my fault!! Life's just jealous of me!!!!

.The Orphanage Home.

When I first started to learn how to make a coptic book, my intentions were to supply it to those who really needed it.

The orphanage..

Why..?

Because I know people like the orphanages have a lot to say in their heart and they kept it well. But til how long..? I mean, memories of faces, they fade in time if you keep it in your mind. Picture without a proper book or proper keeping, they get lost. Words are forgotten cause time moves you and strays you away.

Earning a diary would at least make those unspoken words worth the secret and maybe one day even remind them of what made them strong at times they thought they were weak. Remind them of what their life was back then so that life could be improved in the future. Remind them of their parents and remind them to never miss a prayer to the mother and father or the people they have lost. And you get the rest of my point.

So I googled an orphanage home in Johor area and there was one that really caught me. Its at Pasir Gudang area. I went to the website and searched of how many orphanages shelter there.

199 girls and 149 boys!

I suddenly felt that I couldnt manage that much book in short time cause my kids are gonna distract me as much as they could :(..

But keeping myself positive. I still want them to have something to write about their life and thoughts. So I am gonna make it batch by batch and when all is done, I'll have it sent over to the orphanage..

InsyaAllah.
May Allah ease everything.
Aamiin aamiin aamiin...

.Reminder.

Places To Go - Things To Buy :

1. Rainbow Stationary :

• Paper clip
• Cutting mat
• Mounting board

2. KSL :

• Repair speaker phone Ammie
• Repair phone Afiq
• Repair battery port and home button Note 8

3. Mr. DIY / Others :

• USB Fan
• USB port hub
• USB desktop light
• Small bin
• Thread rack

4. Stationary Furniture :

• Tool drawer
• Shoe cabinet / Glass cabinet for papers
• Stationary organizer (felt fabric)

.Noni & Jarir.

Alhamdulillah, Noni's wedding went smoothly and a success :)..

Congratulations to Noni and Jarir, newly weds.. Belom abis wedding lg dorang da cabut Honeymoon kt hotel haha..

Thanks to those family and friends who came and prayed for them and the family. Apologies on behalf of the family for any lacks during the wedding. 

And now... 

My ideas.

Wallpapers , wallpapers , wallpapers.

You give me so many ideas!! Splended ideas! 

Thanks to this new Kaison wallpaper addiction of mine, I am already thinking of how to make use of these wallpapers besides sticking it on the wall or furniture~! Hehe :D.. RM19.90 for 1000cm of wallpaper per roll! Sape x gile with all the many vintage cute designs! 

So coming back for more! 

.Noni's Wedding.

Alhamdulillah... The wedding is done and Noni and Jarir selamat di ijab kabulkan if im saying it correctly.. :)..

Now we all can rest after long days of preparing for the big day :)..

To Noni and Jarir, semoga bahagia sampai ke Jannah and may Allah ease your ways and days through out marriage life :)..

Selamat Pengantin Baru :D..

.26th - 28th April 2016.

Its been 2 days now in Terengganu... Its hot here but Alhamdulillah the heat is acceptable.

26th April 2016 :
Arrival at Areena Batik Hotel, Kuantan. Nice hotel but we were at the wrong time cause the lift was broken, so there goes our cardio, up and down, Ground floor to FUCKING 3RD FLOOR!!!! MY THIGHS STILL SORE!!!!

So after lepak2, me and sahey and ahg adek, excluding Noni who was busy with assignment, went for dinner at Sara Thai Restaurant and went window shopping at uptown.. Ended the night with Bundle -.-.

27th April 2016 :
Check out! I almost lost our car key! Alhamdulillah baba found it near the hotel phone.

Arrive at Terengganu.. Alhamdulillah.. Headed to Mydin and few other shopping places to shop for toiletries and baby stuff. Bought Baba and abg's baju melayu yeaa....

Had dinner at Numan's place near the beach!!!

28th April 2016 :
Headed to this WASH&SAVE Laundry and fuck gile mahal nk mampos RM13 for a 13kg wash and dry!!!!! The highest I've come across so far pn bru RM10.50, and that was at JB, the most high cost living place in Malaysia as far as I'm aware of!!! And it was for 14kg wash and murah!! Sohai! I AM NEVER WASHING MY STUFF AT THAT PLACE EVER!!!!! DA LA DRYER X DRY ALL THE CLOTHES!!!

Then we headed to Manjaku baby store and bought Adra another dress :D.. And I bought Numan a set of smart wears too!!! I hope they like it :).. I really miss that little pumpkin :')..

Owh ya went to Suyi's to have my kain and abg's pants altered..

InsyaAllah Subang Family will arrive tomorrow along with Fitri.. :).. Cannot wait to see all of em :)..

.Last Minute Prep.

Memandang kan saya anta baju tuk kawen Noni lambat, naseb nye baju ready on the 13th April kata aunty tu :(.. A day before Noni kawen..

Haihhh.. Harap2 there wont be a problem on that Jubah cause there wont be anymore time left to alter..

Naseb la ade Pn Fariza tu nk amik and she sounds professional in what she does..

Aamiin aamiin aamiin..

Nervous pulak aku..

.Dreams Dreams.

These dreams of mine are getting weirder and way out of hand.

Last night, I panicked. I'm not sure if it was a sign that I should seek for help from expert or if it was just another game these satans are playing on me.

The cronology of this particular dream of mine came to a fight, I cannot think of whats gonna happen next when I dream again. It felt real. It seemed real.

Why do you keep appearing as you like??!

I need answers.

.Goodbye Chris Evans.

Today was suppose to be a trip to Marina Bay, Singapore to meet up with Chris Evans but VERY VERY UNFORTUNATE that the kids are still passport less, so yea, ended up :

1. Having late lunch at Hijo, BBU.
2. Chopping off thorny branches with a kitchen knife. -.-. Got my neighbour laughing at me and scars on my hands. Ive always wanted to chop those fucking branches for so long!!!!

And that was my day. Fuh.

Now to watch video of Chris Evans at Singapore. Goodnight.

Assalamualaikum . .

.FUCK THIS.

Today was a bad mouth fight with Noni that ended up with her took off out of the house.

It wasnt any of my intention but i had an exhausting day with aching all over my body and she just happened to pull out words at the bad time and i slipped my inner hell on her worst day.

Im very sorry. And yes, I did apologize and got her back home. Alhamdulillah.

Honestly, there is just so much anger contained in me that it most of the time makes the button extra sensitive.

How dad always misjudge me and punish me infront of the other siblings somehow makes them disrespect me. He always makes it obvious to others that I am the black sheep and makes me the example of how black sheep should be treated. And this is how they treat me. Its so sickening how dad sets their mind. He doesnt notice this cause he's busy satisfying himself by punishing people. I really hate how he thinks he is GOD and how he thinks he is ALWAYS RIGHT! IT TOOK TOLL ON MY MARRIAGE! And Im the one being hated!!!p

I CANT CRY CAUSE ITS PATHETIC!!! AND I CANT SCREAM CAUSE HES NOT LISTENING!!!! AND I CANT KILL MYSELF CAUSE I DONT WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO RAISE AND MISTREAT MY KIDS!!!! AND I CANT GET OVER THE PAST!!!!!

SO TELL ME WHO I SHOULD POINT THIS BLAMING FINGER AT???!!!!

FUCK THIS!