.What A Long Day.

Sumpah arini penat gile. 

Sidai baju, vacuum, anta and amik Akid, g all over JB for groceries, ptg ayam, keluar balik beli makanan, homework Akid, ajar Ammar. 

My body just dont know when to rest.

Tonight starts Akid's first of three days of applying the eye drop from hospital. Ya Allah, semoga Engkau mudahkan hal² berkenaan dengan mata Akid.. Kau halang la aku sekiranya ade yg memudaratkan atau tidak memberi apa² kebaikan kepada Akid. AAMIIN... Ati risau sgt sebenarnye tapi diri cme nak yg terbaik untuk Akid.. Mama sayang sgt kt Akid..

Ok, time for me to rest!

.Maulidur Rasul.

Salam Maulidur Rasul to all Muslims across the world.. :)..

I was bored so I made simple notebooks to pass time and then gave it all to Makcik Adra :).. Seriously though, I have been dying to make a proper fabric notebook tp tah kenapa, this heart is too nervous to start. Too afraid of failure I guess. Gotta start sooner or later.

Shahir just got back home from work and clinic. Doctor said he has swelling tonsils and minor bleeding on the tonsils. So he got 2 days of MC..

And thats all for today.

.Worn Out.

Sometimes I tend to look the other way when I myself know Im already burnt-out. Its easy when you're so used to pushing yourself little by little until you meet the edge, and you jump. And when I jump, life gets messy with the husband and the kids.

And then Im back to my suicidal state like back in high school.

Its exhausting. 

But I just keep on going for the kids. 

Cause I know if I stop now, no one's gonna pick up from there on.

My kids are always up to help me out but I have trust issues. I have standard issues. I dont even know if its OCD or some other behavioural disorder shit that Im not aware of. But Id prefer I have it done myself.

I need a break. I need a holiday. I need my me day.

.HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LITTLE DURIAN!.

Today we celebrated Taufiq's birthday with 5 boxes of regular Pizzas, along with all the other side meals that came along with the set 😀! And then later in the evening, we went to Mr.DIY. Originally the plan was to go to the arcade at Aeon but Sahey was feeling under the weather, so we postponed it to tomorrow..

Been a little busy reorganising my labels for this blog. I just noticed what a mess its been.

Oh and guess what, Shopee SPay Later CAN work at Mr.DIY. So In Syaa Allah, it can work for LOTUS as well, In Syaa Allah.. Another alternative instead of credit card, hehe.

Update: 

Taufiq got eye infection just now. Just booked clinic appointment for him tomorrow morning..

.Memory Lane Again.

Its that time of the year again. Ayah's passing day is just round the corner and its also around this time of the month I suddenly find myself looking through old photos of the family.

Ya Allah, it breaks my heart to realize how life used to be simple even with all the fights going around. Now I find myself straying away from the Subang family. Just running away from something. Padahal inside, I miss them but I just keep telling myself that everyone dies someday so its better if I dont get myself too attached to them. Or I'll end up like how I am now. Running away from guilt of not spending enough time while they're alive. What is this sickness.

Assalamualaikum Ayah.. Hows it been where you are.. I know you're not gone.. You're just somewhere unreachable but I'll see you again someday Ayah.. I hope you know that I cant get myself to delete your contact. When its there, I feel like you're still close to me. I tried calling you few times but it goes to voicemail. Im glad. Im glad no one is using your number :'). Though it would have been nice if the voicemail was your voice. I miss your voice.. But Alhamdulillah, Im glad I didnt delete the photos that I promised myself to delete it. Just couldnt get around to do it. And I dont regret it even if it pains me to see the photos play inside my head. Ayah, I keep saying this I'll keep on saying it.. Forgive me for not being there for you during you last days. Forgive me for not making time to be around you when I had the time and money. Forgive me Ayah. Aamiin...

You're strong Dira.. You'll make it through this month like the last time. 

.Leaving You With Nothing.

Next year it'll be Akid's turn to join his abang and kakak in Taekwando, In Syaa Allah.

I hope my kids are atleast learning something to defend themselves and their siblings and family when Im no longer around.

I plan to enter them in swimming and archery but that would be another story, probably after Ammar graduates from kindergarten.. I cant help to think that I have nothing to leave behind for them but can only hope these can help them survive life. Still a long way to go kids. Still a long way to go :'(..

.Long Time No Write.

I honestly thought I've deleted this blog. Turns out its still here, dusting.

Maybe I should start blogging again.