.Welcome to the Game, Somalia.

Somalian has join Yemen in making Israel's shipping hell 🫡.

Oh it just gets better. I mean, we Muslims want the win, but hey, lets have some fun first, right 🤣.

Note.. I need to recolour my hair later..

.Al-Fatihah, Zayn Rayyan.

On and off Ive been with this blog.

Im still heartbroken with arwah adik Zayn Rayyan bin Matiin's case. Its been 12days now I think but Ya Allah, I still cry so hard everytime I see his picture. Padahal adik Zayn Rayyan da selamat di sisi Allah swt. This case hits home so badly cause he is just like Akid with the face and the autism behaviour. Umur pon mmg sama dengan Akid. Ya Allah.. Kepala ni terbayang bayang situasi adik bergelut ngan pembunuh.

Ya Allah, semoga Kau hukum pembunuh adik Zayn Rayyan seadil-adilnye! Aamiin.

Ya Allah, semoga Kau berikan kekuatan dan ketabahan kepada keluarga Zayn Rayyan. AAMIIN..

.Palestine Update.

Theres been alot going on these days.

Scotland finally opening its door to Palestine refugees for safe haven but thing is, Palestinians will never run or abandon Palestine. They will fight til the end to protect Al Aqsa. It would have been better if Hamza brings whatever they got to Palestine. Never give that chance for Israel to conquer Palestine. NEVER!

Oh and they also bombed the 3rd oldest Christian church in Gaza. Would it take a church bombing to open up the eyes of the non-muslim supporting Israel? We'll see.

On my side of life, Alhamdulillah En Fairuz finally got someone to have the walls fixed. So the house is a bit dusty but nothing a few rounds of mopping couldnt solve. But, the thing is, the leak is within the walls. And I dont see these contractors doing anything to solve whatever problem thats within the walls. They are just putting thick layer of paint over the wall. Thats not gonna solve anything long term, adoih. Nevermind, Sahey said they're coming again next Friday so, Im gonna see if anything is gonna be done. Sigh.

.Christian Hospital, Bombed.

They bombed the Christian hospital yesterday at Gaza. And they blamed the Hamas, as usual.

Membuak rasa benggang aku..!

.Free Palestine.

I take it back. Its not the best birthday of my life. Its probably the worst and saddest birthday of life. 

The 11th, Israel declared war against Palestine. And the 12th everything just got worst. From cementing Palestines water source, to cutting their electricity and food supplies, down to forcing them out of their homes in the name safety, just to have them cornered and bombed before they could escape 😔.

Its already the 17th and no country is going out there to help them. Fucking UN and NAM! Malaysia should have just done like what Mahathir did during Bosnia war. Just fuck the UN rules and race out there to help our Muslim brothers and sisters. For goodness sake, those are women and kids being massacred! 

They say its about Hamas and for fucks sake fucking Israhell is just doing it for sports and for the land that was never theirs!! Let em all free!!! Allah has promised the time where Palestine will win the war and when that happens, the whole world will laugh and celebrate on your demise!!! 

Its been days that I have lost my mood to do anything 😔.. Im glad more and more people have woken up and see the truth. Muslim or non Muslim, as long as you have heart, the truth shall prevail. Alhamdulillah, In Syaa Allah, Aamiin..

Soon.. Victory to Palestines as Allah has promised!! AAMIIN!

.Nostalgic Gift.

Alhamdulillah, thank you Baba for the watch gift.. 

So nostalgic just looking at it. It reminds me of arwah Ayah.. AlFatihah.. semoga Ayah bahagia and tenang di sna bersama org2 beriman..

And thank you again baba! Semoga Allah swt murahkan rezeki kt sekeluarga.. Aamiin..

.Happy 34th Birthday, Dira.

Alhamdulillah, this year Ive received all the things that I want.. Thank you Allah swt..

1. Malbatt Movie

2. Samsung Flip Z5

3. Casio watch similar to Ayah's

Semoga aku berubah menjadi lebih baik di masa akan datang. Semoga Allah kuatkan and tetapkan iman aku. Dan semoga dimurahkan rezeki slalu. Aamiin..

.War.

Yesterday, Palestine launched 5000 missile to Israhell. Palestine has had enough of the oppression and terrorising Al-Aqsa Mosque. Those Israhell deserve hell on earth!

Was told that Israhell bombed Indonesia's help support. And Malaysia is waiting for UN's order to help Palestine. Ko nk tggu order from UN buat ape when clearly UN has been part of the war and earth's destruction. If it were up to me, Id just go for it! 

Semoga Allah lindungi sume Umat² Islam dan manusia² yg tidak bersalah.. Aamiin..

.Random.

Alhamdulillah, bills all settled.. 

Planning to bring the kids to Danga Bay theme park kalau ade rezeki.. Aamiin.. Another 1 day and its Sahey's day off.

.Feisty Zombie.

Sejak budak² demam and then sambung pulak Sahey demam the past few weeks, I havent gotten any rest at all. 

Now my body is just aching and my mind is half awake. So most of the time Im unaware of what Im doing. Not to mention how moody Ive been all these weeks cause my brain cant accept any noise or voice interruption from anyone. Every small call is a trigger 😭.

Forgive me, Familia 😢.

.Not China, Again.

I had a dream I was queing to buy myself a ticket to go China. Funny how those girls from Blimey were queing behind me to go to China aswell. And so while we were queing, this guy suddenly cut our queue and went straight infront of me. Pissed me off so I told him to piss off. And he went to the next counter. The audicity!! Even in my dreams I was so pissed off.

So then my turn came and I paid for the tickets. Guess how many tickets the counter gave me?? 10!!! I was like, WHAT IS ALL THIS??? And she said I paid for the amount of 10 tickets so she booked me 10 tickets!! I was like, I wanted the change back not more tickets!!!

And so yea, I was confused and didnt know who to give the other tickets! I wanted to bring my family, but remembered that Akid has eye appointment the next day (which he does in reality 😂), in the end, I decided to throw away the rest of the tickets.

Ibu was furious with me cause I decided to go on my own.

So I got home and went upstairs to pack. As I was doing my no.1, Ayah knocked on the door (or atleast I thought so cause it was Ayah's voice) and asked me, *Dira nk g China ke?". That was his words from his worried tone, but I can tell, what he really meant to say was, "Kenapa xberitahu Ayah..? Xya la g China Dira.. Bahaya g sorang..". But I didnt answer Ayah's question cause I was afraid of his next responce. So I kept silence.

And thats how my dream ended...

.Akid's School, Approved & Confirmed.

Alhamdulillah, Akid's enrollment application into Taufiq and Adra's school is approved and confirmed.

Now I just have to wait for December to get Doctor's approval that he is fit for normal school. Aamiin..

If things go sideways and doctor suggests special school, Id rather have him homeschool with me or a tutor. Im not gonna downgrade his capabilities just cause others thinks he's a little slow.

.What A Long Day.

Sumpah arini penat gile. 

Sidai baju, vacuum, anta and amik Akid, g all over JB for groceries, ptg ayam, keluar balik beli makanan, homework Akid, ajar Ammar. 

My body just dont know when to rest.

Tonight starts Akid's first of three days of applying the eye drop from hospital. Ya Allah, semoga Engkau mudahkan hal² berkenaan dengan mata Akid.. Kau halang la aku sekiranya ade yg memudaratkan atau tidak memberi apa² kebaikan kepada Akid. AAMIIN... Ati risau sgt sebenarnye tapi diri cme nak yg terbaik untuk Akid.. Mama sayang sgt kt Akid..

Ok, time for me to rest!

.Maulidur Rasul.

Salam Maulidur Rasul to all Muslims across the world.. :)..

I was bored so I made simple notebooks to pass time and then gave it all to Makcik Adra :).. Seriously though, I have been dying to make a proper fabric notebook tp tah kenapa, this heart is too nervous to start. Too afraid of failure I guess. Gotta start sooner or later.

Shahir just got back home from work and clinic. Doctor said he has swelling tonsils and minor bleeding on the tonsils. So he got 2 days of MC..

And thats all for today.

.Worn Out.

Sometimes I tend to look the other way when I myself know Im already burnt-out. Its easy when you're so used to pushing yourself little by little until you meet the edge, and you jump. And when I jump, life gets messy with the husband and the kids.

And then Im back to my suicidal state like back in high school.

Its exhausting. 

But I just keep on going for the kids. 

Cause I know if I stop now, no one's gonna pick up from there on.

My kids are always up to help me out but I have trust issues. I have standard issues. I dont even know if its OCD or some other behavioural disorder shit that Im not aware of. But Id prefer I have it done myself.

I need a break. I need a holiday. I need my me day.

.HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LITTLE DURIAN!.

Today we celebrated Taufiq's birthday with 5 boxes of regular Pizzas, along with all the other side meals that came along with the set 😀! And then later in the evening, we went to Mr.DIY. Originally the plan was to go to the arcade at Aeon but Sahey was feeling under the weather, so we postponed it to tomorrow..

Been a little busy reorganising my labels for this blog. I just noticed what a mess its been.

Oh and guess what, Shopee SPay Later CAN work at Mr.DIY. So In Syaa Allah, it can work for LOTUS as well, In Syaa Allah.. Another alternative instead of credit card, hehe.

Update: 

Taufiq got eye infection just now. Just booked clinic appointment for him tomorrow morning..

.Memory Lane Again.

Its that time of the year again. Ayah's passing day is just round the corner and its also around this time of the month I suddenly find myself looking through old photos of the family.

Ya Allah, it breaks my heart to realize how life used to be simple even with all the fights going around. Now I find myself straying away from the Subang family. Just running away from something. Padahal inside, I miss them but I just keep telling myself that everyone dies someday so its better if I dont get myself too attached to them. Or I'll end up like how I am now. Running away from guilt of not spending enough time while they're alive. What is this sickness.

Assalamualaikum Ayah.. Hows it been where you are.. I know you're not gone.. You're just somewhere unreachable but I'll see you again someday Ayah.. I hope you know that I cant get myself to delete your contact. When its there, I feel like you're still close to me. I tried calling you few times but it goes to voicemail. Im glad. Im glad no one is using your number :'). Though it would have been nice if the voicemail was your voice. I miss your voice.. But Alhamdulillah, Im glad I didnt delete the photos that I promised myself to delete it. Just couldnt get around to do it. And I dont regret it even if it pains me to see the photos play inside my head. Ayah, I keep saying this I'll keep on saying it.. Forgive me for not being there for you during you last days. Forgive me for not making time to be around you when I had the time and money. Forgive me Ayah. Aamiin...

You're strong Dira.. You'll make it through this month like the last time. 

.Leaving You With Nothing.

Next year it'll be Akid's turn to join his abang and kakak in Taekwando, In Syaa Allah.

I hope my kids are atleast learning something to defend themselves and their siblings and family when Im no longer around.

I plan to enter them in swimming and archery but that would be another story, probably after Ammar graduates from kindergarten.. I cant help to think that I have nothing to leave behind for them but can only hope these can help them survive life. Still a long way to go kids. Still a long way to go :'(..

.Long Time No Write.

I honestly thought I've deleted this blog. Turns out its still here, dusting.

Maybe I should start blogging again.