.Pregnant Mom Jots.

Only left a month and a week til due date.. And I had to be the brave betch for 10 minutes and read hospital ghost stories just to end up scaring myself for the next 3 days when I get warded. Aihhh.

Lately I always defecate half way through my meals! Always! But my meals are clean and I'm not allergic to it. I think its the baby -.-. I noticed that everytime my baby moves at this certain angle, it straight away upsets my tummy. And I just cant hold it. Just gotta let em out. So I end up throwing the other half of my meal. Waste of good food!

Plus Ive been so emotionally unstable these past few months.

And I have custom ordered my baby cot and just hoping its good, beautiful and strong... Its a multipurpose cot.. A cot, a bed or a sofa bed :).. Harap2 dpt before bersalin.. And plus I need to buy the custom mattress at Taman Molek nnt.. :)..

Thats all for now..

.That 1 Night.

I remember this one night.

I was sulking and rebelling in my room cause mom and dad made last minute change of mind after agreeing to let me join a camp held by school. I was so pissed. I didnt get out of my room. I didnt eat. I didnt make a sound. I didnt turn on the light. And there was no loud music blasting.

Too silence means theres something wrong. Cause usually I would make a scene.

So that night, mom unlocked my door with a spare key.

I remember her hugging me and I felt tears down my cheek. But I still there still pretending to be asleep. And she was still crying when she said,

"Ibu ayah mntk maaf. Ayah bg pergi tp ibu xbg. Bkn ibu xnk bg dira pergi camp tu. Tp ayah cme ade RM10 je dlm bank. Ayah tgh xde duet nk bg dira mkn kalau dira pergi camp. Ibu mntk maaf sgt kt dira... Ade rezeki nnt ibu bg dira pergi ye nak.. Ibu syg dira..."

And I guess she must have thought I was asleep. She kissed me, walked out slowly and locked the door.

That night, it was like Allah swt was trying to tell me to have mercy on my parents cause not everything I want, I'll get. And not everything that doesnt go my way, needs to have a reason, specially when its my parents.

The next day, I was back to normal.

Later that week, I found out that dad used his savings to pay off a large amount of credit card debts so that he could terminate it for good and before more problem piles up cause he still had few credit cards to settle.

I cant explain how that truth made me felt about the day I rebelled over some stupid camp.

I promised myself that Id never trouble their money again. I never signed up for any camps. And I kept myself isolated from friends so that I dont feel the need to join them hanging out at some malls and have expensive lunch together.

Thank you Allah swt for that 1 night you gave me, that 1 night that taught me that I should always be grateful with whatever I have and whatever that I cant have. :).

.PENAT DA BADAN!.

Sahey keje 4 ari, cuti 1 ari and then continued another 4 days.

I feel like I havent got any rest for 9 days! For a pregnant lady, I should have been given enough rest and enough help for the first trimester. But I am doing all the heavy work.

Kepala sakit. Badan sakit. Perut sakit. Celah vagina pn sakit! Kadang2 rasa nk lari dr rumah and duduk je kt hotel and no need to worry about any chores or heavy work!!

PENAT SGT LA!!!

Tdo xckup makes me so moody and angry.

Tp aku syg anak2 aku.. Tak sanggup nk tdo time dorang tgh jaga :(.. Dorang pulak jarang tdo.. Sakit kepala and mata tahan xtdo. And no one understands.

I try to keep myself awake by making books. Book after books. Even making books are already giving me finger aches. Urut da berterabor.

Alhamdulillah I have taught myself to put these phones aside so that I can focus on the house chores and the kids.. Just havent got time for myself...

Assalamualaikum..

.First Batch, Pregnant, CHECK.

Good news..

InsyaAllah, Me Billa and Noni are pregnant...

Well Noni needs to reconfirm pregnancy strip with KKM and get her Red Book.. Me and Billa Alhamdulillah already got our Red Book..

Me with my thrid, Billa with her second and Noni with her first.. InsyaAllah.. :)

Moms got a lot of work cut out for her early next year. I due on the February while Noni and Billa are probably on the same month, April... XD..

Owh well.. Alhamdulillah is all there is to say and InsyaAllah may Allah swt bless our pregnancy journey and our and our babies health.. Aamiin aamiin aamiin...

So unexpected hahah...

.This Small Boat Is Sinking FAST!.

Arini aku stress. Stress sgt,

I've been yelling 1 whole day at the kids because of small mistakes. I've been trying to shut my eyes but I cant get a good sleep! Sneezing is annoying me to the max! All because of this fight me and Sahey are going through.

Wait is my blog private or public?

You know what. I DONT CARE!

I dont have anywhere else to let these off my chest so I am gonna crap shit in here.

It was a month break up before we got engaged. So why did you chased after me if you're not willing to change??????

Did you know what I threw away just to show you that I meant it when I said I'll change if that'll make things for the better???

And what did you do for a change to improve this relationship???\

If you think it was as easy as giving up my piercings, YOU THOUGH DAMN WRONG!!!! EVEN THOSE PIERCINGS OF MINE MEANT A LOT TO ME!! EVERY LITTLE DAMN HOLE I MADE ON MY FACE!!!

I've gave you what you wanted, so what more do  you want just so you'd give up your "SINGLE LIFE" habits for your family???

Its funny how everyone thought we're a happy married couple when truth is, we're screwed and just waiting for this small boat to sink! NO! Truth is, this small boat is already sinking but I'm holding both my kids up high so they don't drown with us!

Da a smpai sni je.

Aku penat.

.Stay At Subang And Work?.

I've been doing some deep thinking lately.

What if I leave JB with the kids and stay at Subang just so that I could get a job while having my mom to take care of the kids..?

What would you have to say about it Ahmad Shahir Abdullah..?

I think its time I start earning my own money cause it makes me feel stupid and shameful to beg for money from him.

Maybe this will make things equal.

You're always saying its not enough without being thankful to Allah swt first for the rezqi he gave us. When you say its never enough for you. Then it'll never be enough for any of us.

So much to say, but you're not listening anyway.

Its not just money. Its not just attention. Its not just conversations. Go figure. Its hurting me even when I dont say it. Even when I'm smiling.

Its that phase again in relationship. Where strong waves hits the rock and breaks it to pieces. Problem is, once the pieces are swept far and deep into the ocean, you'll never find it. What more piecing it back.

So tell me.

What is it that you want that you think is good for you and your family??

.Anger.

I am tired. I am exhausted. I am .

Sigh. I cant shake these mood swings off of me. :(.

So many bad memories gushing inside my head and that unsatisfied, regretful feeling of not defending myself in the name of "respect" and "manners" really pisses me off!!!

Thats why I have weird status on my facebook wall. Cause I dont know where else to channel it.

I cant throw glass bottles like I use to. I dont even have a glass bottle!

The more these stupid memories are stuck playing in my head, the more inconsiderate I am when I meet these assholes! The more hypocrite I am. The more obvious these insincere smiles will be. It is a good thing for me. But not to my "other half".

So much anger. So much anger since childhood, it makes you feel old at an age you're suppose to be active. I wanna kill.

.NOT ROMANTIC,

We went to a nearby mosque.

Sahey was gonna fulfill his Asar prayer and I was gonna withdraw some money at Bank Islam ATM just next to the mosque entrance.

We parked across the road.

And then the conversation started when I noticed Sahey was about to cross the street without me.

Me: Baba! Tunggu la mama!!

*He didn't say a shit and gave me that one eyebrow lift face*

Me: BABA! Baba ni x prihatin la kt keselamatan bini x(...
Sahey: Nanti mama kne lintas sorang gak balik kete -.-.

*AND THEN HE SMIRKED AT ME!*

Me: Baba ni ngade la -.-.

It got me thinking, mmg betul pn. I wasn't gonna wait for him to finish his prayers to cross the road. Abis nnt budak2 nages.

But still! He could have at least walked me across the street x(!!!
NOT A GENTLEMEN! Haihhh -.-.
Heartbreaking left behind by your hubby..

Tu je aku nk cite. I find that moment of conversation reminding me of zaman college :)..

.iKahwin, Bandar Baru Uda, Johor Bahru.

Best nye.

Yesterday I went to my favorite sewing store and bought some stuff for my bookbinding..

And then the owner offered me to become a member. And I asked what the benefits are. And guess what..

You buy stuff and collect points. RM1 for 1 point. The next time you come to buy something at their store and you don't have enough money, you can use the point as your RM. Or just pay the whole thing with points if its enough in your member account. :D.

Currently I have 63 points! Gonna keep collecting :D!

Best thing about shopping at this place! Its small, but it has everything and the new membership benefit is a big bonus!! Love it!

.Kewl Cotton!.

Bills bills bills.

I am just so happy to pay you every month :).

Currently waiting for 2 PosLaju parcel.

• Xiomi Mi4i Megatron case
• Craft fabric for mom's diary :).

Ever heard of Kewl Cotton? Yea, me too. I just knew about them yesterday at around 1am while shopping around IG. They supply craft fabrics! At first, you will see the same price. But if you ask the owner, there's a Package.

1. Craft Package
2. Borong Package

I am not interested in the borong package. But the CRAFT PACKAGE! To be a member:

• Minimum 1m of fabric purchase, each month (cheap kn???!!!)
• Im/fabric for Craft Package member is RM15 (CHEAP KN???!!!) Usually its RM17 or RM18 for a meter and minimum order is 2meters/fabric if you purchase from other fabric store.
• RM7 postage for below 4m purchase.! 
• But if you fail to purchase every month, you will be terminated from the membership without notice. *So kne pandai2 la buat reminder XD. Specially someone who's forgetful such as myself*

Excited of all this! Now I can buy more that I budget cause the price is not RM18 for 1m! :D... Loads of beautiful flower and cartoon fabrics to choose!! 

Later :D

.Random Random.

Alhamdulillah, last Ultrasound check with the doctor, the baby's heartbeat is now detectable :).. Ease my heart a lot :).. Now I need to take care of my diets and my health..

Owh and I bought this new white computer keyboard. If you check online, the cheapest is around RM90 plus and I found this one for only RM69!! How lucky am I! I didn't even hesitate to buy it. Sahey planned to buy it tomorrow at Digital mall but I know I wont get that price there. Lol. I just couldn't wait that long. This keyboard is more that perfect! SOFT KEYS and QUIET TOO!!!!! Ahhhh...... :)... Like keyboard sexing!

And I finally finished dad's leather notebook ^^.. Sorry couldn't get picture updated here but InsyaAllah will be updating in my IG :).

I think thats about it :)

.Banana Face Mask.

Something I would like to share with everyone....

Banana Face Mask :
http://naturalbeautytips.co/banana-face-mask-recipe/

I personally do this myself... Not all the time but sometimes.. And it really makes my skin feel good and Alhamdulillah, most of my black spots from acne scar are gone :)...

Its cheap and it works!

Happy facial-ing....

.Windows 10.

So, I have finally sent my CPU for repair and this dude installed Windows 10 because Windows is giving out free Wins 10 for few months. He said Genuine. So I was like ok why not.

And so far, testing is good........ Hehe...

Itu je nk bebel kn .. Now time to continue with my bookbinding. Got lots of work to be done :(.

.Melaka.

Alhamdulillah . . Sampai juga hajat nk beraya kt uma nenek kali ni :') . . Alhamdulillah nenek Krubong sihat and happy always :) . .

Sad cause I couldnt manage to visit Mak Ngah and Mak Itam's house cause mom and dad needed to hurry back to Subang and plus, its Monday and I dont think there would be anyone at Mak Ngah's house since school has already started :( . .

Need to visit Maklong , Pak Teh , Maksu and Nenek Keramat pulak nnt . .

Then , I can shop happily for bookbinding supplies . . Yeeee . .

Got a lot to update in my journal back in JB!!! Hoh!

.3rd July 16.

I failed to fast due to bad diarrhea.. Just had to take pills and drink more water before I go dehydrated. I almost fainted.

Seksa gle tggu dlm kete with an upset tummy and bowel while waiting for Sahey to get his duet Dana Terengganu!!

Owh and I redeemed 4, FOUR, Bear Buncut of 7E's!!! The abg 7E was kind enough to give me 3 COMPLETED sticker collection! A very happy kids I am! Fortunately, 2 for abg, 2 for adek.. I can only admire from far..

Had iftar at Sahey's tokki's house with the rest of the family.. It was too crowded so I decided to stay on the other side of the house and look after everyone's kids.. Kak Ruu's son even called me Mama haha.. Adorable..

And that wraps up the day.

.2nd July 16.

2nd July 16 :

Yesterday was suppose to be my Baju Raya hunting day but none of Terengganu designs are my taste. And I end up buying nothing and thought I would continue during the night.

So after Maghrib, we headed to Klinik Najmee. I tell you this doctor gives you all the detail to your questions!!! It cleared alot of things that confused me before regarding acid reflux, gerd, pregnancy and medication!! I respect this guy cause he explains it all in Islamic medication. And it wasnt even expensive! :). Alhamdulillah and thank you Allah swt for answering my prayers.

After visit to the doctor, it was already 10.30pm and malls were already closed. Left only with uptown and even that, there was absoloutely no parking! So cancelled my hunt and Sahey went on with his bundle search until 1.30am! Dammit!

.30th June 16 - 1st July 16.

30th June 16 :
Xlarat puasa specially on long journey under this kind of weather. Wuish. Untung la baba larat puasa.,

Alhamdulillah around 11pm arrived Pulau Manis, Terengganu.. Abg's not crying anymore when Mak or Ayah or anyone here tries to approach him.. :)..

1st July 16 :
Alhamdulillah, despite the weak body, I manage to put myself together, hold things a little longer and with some sleep, I fasted :)..

Acid reflux is starting again. I cant imagine going through that critical pain here in Terengganu. May Allah swt grant me health throughout my stay here in Terengganu.

Went to Desa Murni today to buy Baju Raya but in the end, I ended up in the car cause I almost ran out of breathe.

I cursed ALL THE CLINICS IN TERENGGANU FOR DAY CLOSING JUST CAUSE ITS FASTING MONTH!!! FUCK KO XTAU KE TANGGUNGJAWAB KO???

And thats all the update..

.Stupid Internet!.

Fuck! So pissed right now with the fucking browsers!

I cannot download ANYTHING!!! NETWORK FAILURE LA! SERVER ERROR LA!! ALL ERRORS!!! NOTHING BUT ERRORS!!

STUPID INTERNET!!!

.Vendor.

So I'm really having tough luck in finding a vendor shop to put my notebooks at!

Geram! Cause these people promote on IG a slot for vendors for any product, and then when I contact them, they give me the silent treatment!

But pape pn, Alhamdulillah ade juga yg reply but the problem is, they are so far away.. Satu hal pulak nk post.. Takot barang sume kemek2 :(..

Need to find fast solution!

.Nerve-Wracking.

Sometimes when you have a dream that you know you will do whatever it takes to realize it, it gives you that fast heartbeat and shivers. Cause you're nervous to face the outcome. The reaction of others. But you try to put all that aside and hope everything turns out as expected or more.

Dammit.

I need to stay calm and put priorities in order.

I know no one understands this crap. Its to soothe myself.

This is nerve-wracking!!!

Cause I know when Im about to put good things to action or bring dreams to life, SOMETHING ALWAYS TURNS OUT WRONG!! And its not even my fault!! Life's just jealous of me!!!!

.The Orphanage Home.

When I first started to learn how to make a coptic book, my intentions were to supply it to those who really needed it.

The orphanage..

Why..?

Because I know people like the orphanages have a lot to say in their heart and they kept it well. But til how long..? I mean, memories of faces, they fade in time if you keep it in your mind. Picture without a proper book or proper keeping, they get lost. Words are forgotten cause time moves you and strays you away.

Earning a diary would at least make those unspoken words worth the secret and maybe one day even remind them of what made them strong at times they thought they were weak. Remind them of what their life was back then so that life could be improved in the future. Remind them of their parents and remind them to never miss a prayer to the mother and father or the people they have lost. And you get the rest of my point.

So I googled an orphanage home in Johor area and there was one that really caught me. Its at Pasir Gudang area. I went to the website and searched of how many orphanages shelter there.

199 girls and 149 boys!

I suddenly felt that I couldnt manage that much book in short time cause my kids are gonna distract me as much as they could :(..

But keeping myself positive. I still want them to have something to write about their life and thoughts. So I am gonna make it batch by batch and when all is done, I'll have it sent over to the orphanage..

InsyaAllah.
May Allah ease everything.
Aamiin aamiin aamiin...

.Reminder.

Places To Go - Things To Buy :

1. Rainbow Stationary :

• Paper clip
• Cutting mat
• Mounting board

2. KSL :

• Repair speaker phone Ammie
• Repair phone Afiq
• Repair battery port and home button Note 8

3. Mr. DIY / Others :

• USB Fan
• USB port hub
• USB desktop light
• Small bin
• Thread rack

4. Stationary Furniture :

• Tool drawer
• Shoe cabinet / Glass cabinet for papers
• Stationary organizer (felt fabric)

.Noni & Jarir.

Alhamdulillah, Noni's wedding went smoothly and a success :)..

Congratulations to Noni and Jarir, newly weds.. Belom abis wedding lg dorang da cabut Honeymoon kt hotel haha..

Thanks to those family and friends who came and prayed for them and the family. Apologies on behalf of the family for any lacks during the wedding. 

And now... 

My ideas.

Wallpapers , wallpapers , wallpapers.

You give me so many ideas!! Splended ideas! 

Thanks to this new Kaison wallpaper addiction of mine, I am already thinking of how to make use of these wallpapers besides sticking it on the wall or furniture~! Hehe :D.. RM19.90 for 1000cm of wallpaper per roll! Sape x gile with all the many vintage cute designs! 

So coming back for more! 

.Noni's Wedding.

Alhamdulillah... The wedding is done and Noni and Jarir selamat di ijab kabulkan if im saying it correctly.. :)..

Now we all can rest after long days of preparing for the big day :)..

To Noni and Jarir, semoga bahagia sampai ke Jannah and may Allah ease your ways and days through out marriage life :)..

Selamat Pengantin Baru :D..

.26th - 28th April 2016.

Its been 2 days now in Terengganu... Its hot here but Alhamdulillah the heat is acceptable.

26th April 2016 :
Arrival at Areena Batik Hotel, Kuantan. Nice hotel but we were at the wrong time cause the lift was broken, so there goes our cardio, up and down, Ground floor to FUCKING 3RD FLOOR!!!! MY THIGHS STILL SORE!!!!

So after lepak2, me and sahey and ahg adek, excluding Noni who was busy with assignment, went for dinner at Sara Thai Restaurant and went window shopping at uptown.. Ended the night with Bundle -.-.

27th April 2016 :
Check out! I almost lost our car key! Alhamdulillah baba found it near the hotel phone.

Arrive at Terengganu.. Alhamdulillah.. Headed to Mydin and few other shopping places to shop for toiletries and baby stuff. Bought Baba and abg's baju melayu yeaa....

Had dinner at Numan's place near the beach!!!

28th April 2016 :
Headed to this WASH&SAVE Laundry and fuck gile mahal nk mampos RM13 for a 13kg wash and dry!!!!! The highest I've come across so far pn bru RM10.50, and that was at JB, the most high cost living place in Malaysia as far as I'm aware of!!! And it was for 14kg wash and murah!! Sohai! I AM NEVER WASHING MY STUFF AT THAT PLACE EVER!!!!! DA LA DRYER X DRY ALL THE CLOTHES!!!

Then we headed to Manjaku baby store and bought Adra another dress :D.. And I bought Numan a set of smart wears too!!! I hope they like it :).. I really miss that little pumpkin :')..

Owh ya went to Suyi's to have my kain and abg's pants altered..

InsyaAllah Subang Family will arrive tomorrow along with Fitri.. :).. Cannot wait to see all of em :)..

.Last Minute Prep.

Memandang kan saya anta baju tuk kawen Noni lambat, naseb nye baju ready on the 13th April kata aunty tu :(.. A day before Noni kawen..

Haihhh.. Harap2 there wont be a problem on that Jubah cause there wont be anymore time left to alter..

Naseb la ade Pn Fariza tu nk amik and she sounds professional in what she does..

Aamiin aamiin aamiin..

Nervous pulak aku..

.Dreams Dreams.

These dreams of mine are getting weirder and way out of hand.

Last night, I panicked. I'm not sure if it was a sign that I should seek for help from expert or if it was just another game these satans are playing on me.

The cronology of this particular dream of mine came to a fight, I cannot think of whats gonna happen next when I dream again. It felt real. It seemed real.

Why do you keep appearing as you like??!

I need answers.

.Goodbye Chris Evans.

Today was suppose to be a trip to Marina Bay, Singapore to meet up with Chris Evans but VERY VERY UNFORTUNATE that the kids are still passport less, so yea, ended up :

1. Having late lunch at Hijo, BBU.
2. Chopping off thorny branches with a kitchen knife. -.-. Got my neighbour laughing at me and scars on my hands. Ive always wanted to chop those fucking branches for so long!!!!

And that was my day. Fuh.

Now to watch video of Chris Evans at Singapore. Goodnight.

Assalamualaikum . .

.FUCK THIS.

Today was a bad mouth fight with Noni that ended up with her took off out of the house.

It wasnt any of my intention but i had an exhausting day with aching all over my body and she just happened to pull out words at the bad time and i slipped my inner hell on her worst day.

Im very sorry. And yes, I did apologize and got her back home. Alhamdulillah.

Honestly, there is just so much anger contained in me that it most of the time makes the button extra sensitive.

How dad always misjudge me and punish me infront of the other siblings somehow makes them disrespect me. He always makes it obvious to others that I am the black sheep and makes me the example of how black sheep should be treated. And this is how they treat me. Its so sickening how dad sets their mind. He doesnt notice this cause he's busy satisfying himself by punishing people. I really hate how he thinks he is GOD and how he thinks he is ALWAYS RIGHT! IT TOOK TOLL ON MY MARRIAGE! And Im the one being hated!!!p

I CANT CRY CAUSE ITS PATHETIC!!! AND I CANT SCREAM CAUSE HES NOT LISTENING!!!! AND I CANT KILL MYSELF CAUSE I DONT WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO RAISE AND MISTREAT MY KIDS!!!! AND I CANT GET OVER THE PAST!!!!!

SO TELL ME WHO I SHOULD POINT THIS BLAMING FINGER AT???!!!!

FUCK THIS!

.Working Table.

Alhamdulillah!!

Thank you uncle Muttu (neighbour) for helping with the shifting..

Finally I got the working table that I wanted! And I have been admiring it for a while now!!!

Its a little used but not abused.. And I cannot wait to redecorate it.. Unfortunate that I dont have the tool to refurbish it.. But the condition is not that bad at all..

Will post before and after image soon..

.Typical Orang Kg Melayu.

Truth is, its not that I dont like you. But I hate you. Like seriously fucking hate you.

You wear head gear. You preach about all the good things on your IG. You preach about being a better person or how everyone should be as good as alim as you. And yet, have you looked at yourself in the mirror?? You full of bullshit I can tell you that!

You talk about people. You make them look bad. You exaggerate about people in the middle of someone's conversation. And you talk about being a saint but you cant even pull it off without your masks off!!

Haih tlg la.... You dont have to say or explain. From the looks and the words you wrote on your virtual walls, I can tell you've talked shit about me with your family and friends.

LOW!

Just so you know, org mcm ko ni la yg aku menyampah nk layan.

SO FUCK IT!

.Half of The Story.

When I first became a mum, it wasnt easy. Specially when Abg cried most of his infant days. And my anger was still uncontrollable and unmanageable.

I would scream at him when he refuses to sleep :'(.. I only cared about myself. I would put him on the cot and deafened myself pretending he wasnt there. But when his cries got too loud to be ignored, I yelled at him til he was quite for a while and then fell asleep. I would curse, cry, begged for him to sleep. When I cry during my doa, Abg would be in silence. It was like he knew I was tired and I needed the rest. But it wasnt like this everyday.

There wasnt a day go by that I would imagine throwing him on the walls so that he would shut up. Or put a pillow on his face and suffocate him to death I imagine blood spattered everywhere. Let me tell you something, everytime I cursed and yelled at him, he would look at me with fear. Those feared eyes of his reminded me of how I looked at dad. I dont want him to go through the same thing I did. I want my kids to be open with me. No matter the situation.

My daily fear was being left alone with Abg. I was afraid of hurting him. But Alhamdulillah, til this day I managed to control my actions, but fail to control my words and tone.

When I cant control Abg's cries, I would mock the satans for disturbing my baby. Why? Cause most of the time Abg would look at one specific place or corner and cry hysterically. I would go to that spot, point my middle finger and tell whatever is there, to fuck off and find else where to show off them ugly bitching faces!! And abg would be calm again.

I recorded most of abg's infant days so that I can watch it back and know which part of me that needs fixing so that it wont effect mother son relationship. Those days were horrible. I regretted every word.

Abg still cries now. But he's almost 3 years old and I've learned to appreciate him most. And he is a fast learner and very understanding. When he sees me crying, he would hug me and gently tap my back :').

Now, Every time he sleeps, I would not miss my chance to kiss him and whisper to him how much I love him and his baby sister and how sorry I am for mistreating him when he was a baby. I try not to yell at him when he makes mistakes. Yes sometimes it slips but I never delay my apologies.

Abg never got the chance to breastfeed as long as adik. His only lasted for 2 month after finding out I was pregnant with Adra. I dont want him to feel and be distance from me. Cause I'm the eldest, like him, I took alot of beating growing up. I dont want him to go through most the beating the way I did. And I dont want Adra to disrespect him as the eldest like how my siblings are towards me. It hurts. And it brings you down and thickens your walls and raises your guard. Even to families.

Adra on the other hand is less hassle. Grows up beautifully Alhamdulillah . . And I will make sure Abg takes good care of her. She is feisty but she is gonna need it growing up in a selfish society.

I learned alot growing up just by observing how the family behaves towards one another. I just hope it doesnt overshadows my way of disciplining and building my own family.

.There's Nothing Left.

I just wanted a perfect work station for me to be alone and have some time to myself..

Look at me.

I've already missed my chance to study what I wanted.
Lost the job I loved before marriage because my parents interfered with my life.
Tore my dreams to pieces cause you never gave full support.

What else do you want destroyed? Theres nothing left da.

I already down. Broken. Mad. Frustrated. Disappointed. Heartbroken. And everything!

I need a workstation so that I can keep my brain going and working. Not rusting, dumb and malfunctioned!

* I honestly feel so dumb being a housewife but I'm never letting anyone look and care after my kids. Not after what happened to me. *

.Things To Buy.

Things To Buy:

1. Glass Cupboard : RM400
2. Sofa Bed : RM400
3. Kids Cube Closet : RM300
4. EPSON L365 / L455 Printer : RM750
5. Office Chair : RM60

Ok. So I'm gonna have to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with Mr. Hubby and get his permission to buy these things SPECIALLY NO.4!

.Messed Up.

Its been a week of exhaustion . .

The only time I get to sleep is between hour 8am to 9.30am amd 5pm to 6.30pm . . As for the rest of the hour, I am either wide awake or a walking zombie !

No sleep at all !!! Even during midnight til morning . Penat !

Losing appetite . Losing sleep . Losing energy . The kids have completely turned my days upside down . Smpai mood nk masak pn da xde !!!!!!!!!!

Ble nk tdo je budak2 nages . Ble nk rehat je budak2 gadoh . Ble nk buat keje rumah ke budak2 mntk buat hal . Ble nk masak je adra mntk dukung !!!! Sakit kepala ! Im already stressed out cause abg only eats rice 1 spoon a day (IF IM LUCKY!!) .

HE DOESNT EAT ANYTHING OTHER THAN MILK! I HAVE TO FORCE HIM TO EAT! IT WORRIES ME!!!!!! I WANT HIM TO BE HEALTHY! ALLAH HAIII .

Im gonna have a long break on Sahey's day off ! I am gonna make sure of it !!!

.EPSON L455 For Me, Anyone?.

I FINALLY GOT RID OF THE FUCKING HP PRINTER!!! NO GOOD BRAND!!! I OWNED AN HP LAPTOP AND PRINTER BEFORE AND BOTH SUCKED!!!!!!!!!

So who wants to buy an EPSON L455 printer?? :D ! For free that is . . Hehehe . .

I am desprate for a printer !!!!

. #teamcap .

ARE YOU SEEING THIS???!

.Soulful. Strong.

I had a dream last night .. But my dream was nothing but pitch black . And there was a music playing in the background .

It was soulful and had this strong tune to it . I felt so calm and in control after so long ..

Not sure what it meant though .

Gahhh! If only I knew what song it was . That drum beat was just right .

.Back and Running.

Alhamdulillah . . Note 8 is back and running . .

Installed games and pre-k learning app . . Looks like abg will be using this Note 8 but I'll make sure there's a schedule to it :) . .

Should I or should I not buy OTG cause the memory slot is broken and Ah Hong cant repair it at the moment . .

.Diary.

I am planning to print out my own Diary template and then stitch it up or bind in using spiral binder. And as for the cover, it will be mounting board covered with fabric. To give that solid feel and look to it.

But first. I need to buy myself a new printed. I smashed and killed my printer. Padan mke!

.Blackberry Playbook - SOLD.

Alhamdulillah.

Ah Hong texted saying my Note 8 is ready and good news my new Note 8 case is out for delivery at the same time :D.

Nervous nk amik takot ade lg yg xbetul kt Note 8 tu :'(.

Btw, Alhamdulillah Blackberry Playbook sold for RM400.. Thank you En Razief.. In house warranty until 4th April 2016.

Its so exciting and thrilling waiting for Note 6 release in Malaysia and Singapore. DAMMIT.

.Note 6, Be Mine!!.

We were window shopping yesterday at KSL and I stopped by at Samsung to check out Note 5 that I can never get to own one.

Just touching it. Feeling it. Admiring its beauty.

When suddenly the akak said,

"Note 6 will be releasing hopefully this Oct/Nov 2016".

With a HUGE SMILE AND OPEN HEARTED, MY TEMPTATION FOR NOTE 5 WAS GONE!!! Poof just like that the curse was lifted!

I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!

I'll go for the brother! Sexier!

I've owned Note 1, Note 2, Note 4, Note 10 and Note 8.

I missed Note 3 and 5 for a good reason :). Note 3 wasnt edgy enough. Note 5 was just handsome and all but too bad the space could not be upgraded and the battery is sealed.

So no regrets there since Note 6 is hopefully going to be betta.

.Jgn Minum Coke and Pepsi.

Disebabkan aku cme ade group Family Subang dlm whatsapp, jd aku viralkan di blog ..

Sedikit perkongsian, pernah seorang SB Malaysia Islam bersembang dgn kami yg dia pernah ditugaskan menjadi spy menyamar seolah olah dia Melayu kristian, masuk ke vatican. Menjadi satu kegembiraan Paderi Kristian jika ada Melayu masuk Kristian dari bangsa lain masuk Kristian. Jadi disebabkan itu dia diambil sebagai anak angkat seorang ketua Paderi di Vatican. Hampir 6 bulan di Vatican. Masuk ke geraja setiap hari bersama Father tersebut untuk belajar dan kaji agama kristian. Dia kata setiap kali dia masuk ke Gereja hati dia menangis dan merayu pada Tuhan jangan cabut nyawa dia dlm Gereja dan di Vatican. Nanti orang akan kebumikan dia dgn cara Kristian. Jadi sewaktu bersama mereka banyak rahsia2 yg terbongkar. Antaranya pendeta2 kristian mengkaji bahawa yang bolih merosakkan roh orang Islam ialah dari makanan. Mengikut hadis Rasulullah (saw), hati ditempa oleh makanan. Maka mereka kaji makanan apa yg bolih merosakkan hati orang Islam. Jadi pendeta mereka dapatkan dari hadis itulah arak. Mereka memangil para saintis mereka utk buatkan arak jadi minuman yg membolehkan orang Islam minum dan menjadikan minuman harian. Maka mereka telah berjaya dan jadikah dari arak itu air coca cola dan pepsi cola. Baru2 ini viral dlm wassap orang luar, seorang paderi kristian yg sudah masuk Islam. Berceramah beritahu hentikan minum Pepsi kerana sebenarnya arak. Kalau siapa tak tahu tidak berdosa. Setelah tahu berdosa jika meminumnya. Apa yg aku cakapkan ini maka jangan lah minum lagi kerana sesungguhnya kamu sedang minum arak. Sungguh licik strategi musuh2 Allah.
Ya ALLAH ampunkan kami.
Kawan2 kongsikan pada semua group supaya kita faham kerja2 musuh2 Islam ini..
Sapa lagi yg boleh menyedarkan kita.....

.Blackberry Playbook 7" Tab (32G) : SOLD

BLACKBERRY PLAYBOOK 7" TAB (32G)
SOLD

Price : RM600 (Slight nego)

Reason : Sticking to Android

Included : Blackberry Playbook, Original Charger and Original Blackberry Pouch

Excluded : NO BLACKBERRY BOX!

Specification : 7 inch tab and 32G internal space. MORE INFO.

Cosmetic Condition : Very good condition. Like NEW. No scratch. No dents. No cracks.

OS Condition : Excellent battery life, smooth running OS, and crisp resolution.

COD Area : JOHOR BAHRU / SELANGOR / KUALA LUMPUR

Contact : 017 381 6484 (Whatsapp/SMS)

The end.

.Day Off Summary.

A summary of the past few days so that I'll remember what to write in my diary.

17th March 2016:
Suyi and Ayoh D arrived JB. Took them out for bundle hunting atJohor area and then had dinner at Odeen Corner. Later headed to Bazaar Karat. Bought 5 dresses for adek!!!

18th March 2016:
Went shopping with everyone at JPO and Big Bundle Tebrau. Had dinner at Stulang and bumped with Yoo. He looks old 0,0!

19th March 2016:
Ayoh D, Suyi and their kids headed back to Terengganu in the morning. Me and the family headed to KSL to repair Sahey's IPad! Makan2 at Food Plate, UTM!

Selling away my Blackberry Playbook!

Toodles

.Note 6 Cooled Me Down.

Alhamdulillah . . I managed to cool down my Note 5 crazy temptation! Thanks to the good news of Note 6 :D . . Exciting!!!

What now?

Now, I wait . . :D . .

.Keep It Together.

Chill Naddy. Its not the end of the world if you could not get your hands on that Note 5.

I still got few more ways to do this.

InsyaAllah today we're headed back to Subang Jaya. Before that need to head to Taman Molek to pick up Sony battery. Then wait for Noni to come back home and shoot the road.

Trying to keep myself together. Allahhh . . .

.Note 5 : Plan B.

So if my previous plan for owning a Note 5 backfires, here's what am gonna do:

1. Proceed with trade for NEW Note 5 with topup of $400 with the AMK shop.
2. Lower my Note 4 price to $550 and buy myself a 2nd hand Note 5 from other buyer who's selling it for $750 to $800.

I need ly back and rethink of more options that requires lesser topup.

.NOTE 5 MOTIVATES ME!.

So sejak budak2 ni da pandai gne smartphone, its getting pritty hard to control timing limits to it. Geram kadang2 cause they dont know how to spell, so they will end up crying everytime they mistouch the screen and another video pops out which cuts their previous video streaming. Then they start rolling on the floor. Crying. Screaming. And rebelling.

THANKS ALOT TO SAHEY! `

I never liked encouraging kids to use smartphone!!!

So my broken Note 2 finally sold yesterday :).. Alhamdulillah.. $60 in hand :D..

Next goals:
1. Sell the broken laptops this week to buyer : $120
2. Sell broken Samsung Galaxy Young : $15 (No buyer yet)
3. Fix Sony Xperia L and then sell : $50
4. Sell off my Samsung Galaxy Note 4 : $600
5. BUY SAMSUNG GALAXY NOTE 5 : $750 after nego :D . .

Ya Allah semoga ko mudah kan and murahkan rezeki aku . . Aamiin aamiin aamiin , .

If I could sell away all these items, I would have $95 extra . .

I only got a week of Note 5 reservation by the seller. So incase I dont make it, I need to work harder in selling the items so that I can purchase other 2nd hand Note 5 for less than $900.

What can I say . . NOTE 5 MOTIVATES ME! Haha!

.I'm A Desprate Note 2 Seller.

My phone is one worn and torn, used and abused Note 2 . . Peels on both top and bottom, right side bezel and no S Pen . . Plus broken LCD . . I put up for sale offering $80 the lowest I could . . With box, accessories, 2 casing, TechTiles and no warranty . . Slight nego to $70 . And that was it .

So I declined an offer from a buyer after accepting his offer to buy for $60, not knowing that a day later another buyer would offer higher price for my wrecked Note 2 . .

It was really my fault and I said thousand times of apologies but I guess he is a little upset with me still though he said he was ok . .

Haihhh . . Truth is I am in need of the money . . It will mean alot . . :( . . Hopefully this other buyer will proceed with deal as promised . . Aamiin aamiin aamiin . .

And to the first buyer whom which I decline later, again, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for my desprate act of selling my wrecked Note 2 . . And I wish all of luck with your business and may you find a better phone with better offer than mine . .

Sincerely,
Desprate Note 2 Seller

.Fuck U IG!.

This is so frustrating!

I cannot login to my IG account due to suspicious login activities??! And what is worst, fucking Instagram IS NOT BEING HELPFUL IN SOLVING!!!!

Fucking app!!!!

.1 Whole Day of Bundle!.

Yesterday was a very exhausting one!

The plan was to go visit Luqman who just got discharged from hospital after a bad accident with an ice truck.

Then we headed for Marrybrown with the rest of Sahey's officemates. There was Luqman and his wife, Amir, Along, Zam, Pravin and his other friend cant remember the name. After the visit ended, there was only my little family and Amir Along and Zam.

Guess what these boys planned next?

BUNDLE!!!!

IT WAS ONE WHOLE DAY OF BUNDLE TIL 9.30PM!

Gile weh.. I tell you, my butt cramped countless times just sitting in the car!

These boys are crazy but its nice to see baba and abg had fun getting along with the guys.. Specially little abg with the big boys hahah! Adek unfortunately got stuck with mama in the car lol..

.Note 5 Temptations!!.

Hadoiii . . My temptation to buy Note 5 in getting out of control ! ! $950 ! !

Here's what I have in mind :
1 . Sell my broken Note 2 : $80
2 . Sell my Note 4 : $680
3 . Sell the 6 new bought blouse that I cant fit : $15

Left with another $100 left . .
Beg to husband for the extra topup . . ?
Or sell my broken Note 8.0 for $100 ? ? ! !

Dammit I hate this part of me where I'd do ANYTHING to get what I want ! ! !

.3 Days.

3 days! 3 days and I finally finished reading Life and Times of Mustaffa Ibrahim written by my dad..

Its funny cause I dont read but with this one, I read til 2 am in the morning just to know what happened next. It was crazy cause I forced myself to hold on a little longer before I completely doze off lol..

Dad.. I am looking forward to read the rest of your books :)

.Life and Times of Mustaffa Ibrahim.

I am phoneless at the moment. So I could not take picture of the book dad wrote dedicated to our late Atuk Mustaffa Ibrahim.

And believe or not, I am actually reading it. The history and life time of Atuk is interesting :). Only 2 days and I have already finished Chapter 2. Its a long journey of reading, trust me. Specially when I am not the type who reads. Nope, not me.

So dad got his hard headed from Atuk, just like how I inherited from dad. Lol. Runs in the family. Specially the eldest. Lol.

That's all for now.

Trying to contain my excitement of seeing my new Note 4 tomorrow morning InsyaAllah if Sahey proceeds with the deal. Not gonna get myself thrilled unless its already in my hand and in good condition. Oh yea, I sold my 2nd hand Sony Z2 to buy myself a 2nd hand Note 4. No worries, InsyaAllahm, so far, I am getting all the perfect condition phones. Hoping the same for Note 4, InsyaAllah..

Aamiin aamiin aamiin.

.IT DOESNT FIT!.

Assalamualaikum..

I feel so sad right now.

I always have trouble when buying clothes online.

Even when I have measured it PROPERLY, when it arrives, it does NOT fit!!!

FUCK FUCK!

And so 2 days ago I bought 6 FUCKING BLOUSE online and YOU CAN FUCKING GUESS WHAT!!!!!

HELL YES, IT DOES NOT FIT FUCKERS!!!!!

SO WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW????

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT!

I'm gonna SELL EM ALL! FOR $15!!!! I DONT CARE IF I DONT GET PROFIT, I JUST WANT EM ALL GONE! 

HOW IT HURTS LOOKING AT EM KNOWING YOU CANT WEAR EM!!!

Enough with heartache! 

InsyaAllah this Sunday I'll get my Note 4 and will be able to communicate with the world again! 

BYE!

.Weak.

Sebenarnye aku xtau nk tulis ape..

I got diarrhea, real bad migrain headache and cold + hot body temperature, all at the same time! And today, my body temperature is back to normal but the diarrhea is still there.

Alhamdulillah Sahey and Noni was around to help me out with house chores and kids..

I cant even stand! Too tired to talk. And body shaking like Parkinson!! It was like gravity wants me to walk with my head. Yes, dramatic but it was really that bad!!

I hate showing or being weak when im at my weakest state. I still remember Muzakkir's mockery back in high school.

"Nad, aku ske ble ko sakit. Ko xle nk marah2 atau pukul sape2"

It was like a slap to my face telling me how easily people can take advantage of me when I'm weak. Although he was just saying it, I see it at a whole different view. No way.

So here's a new fun medical fact I learnt yesterday from the doctor. Diarrhea is infectious. So it was Noni, then Abg, then Adek, and hopefully I am the last one getting infected.

Enough babbling. Til next time..

Assalamualaikum..

.Smartphones Oh Smartphones!.

Noni's now staying at my house, no longer in college hostel. Which is a good thing. No need to waste money paying hostel fees when she only has 1 class, which is on Wednesday and its only like what, 5 more month of school! And then InsyaAllah she's getting married.

Its been 3 days now since abang getting diarrhea.
Adek pulak makin ari makin kuat melawan and SHE DOES NOT FEAR ME x(!

Sahey said he's gonna buy me an IPhone 5 soon :D.. And I am thinking of selling my Sony Xperia Z2 and buy a Note 4! What do you think? Yes, I am GREEDY when it comes to NOTES! Hehehe.. Note 5 does not have SD Card slot. Samsung, that is not a good thing!

Ok cukup for now!

.Hello 2016.

Hello...

So I started writing diary back after a year of hiatus.

I find myself lost in search for past reference and unorganized. I am forgetful. No notes makes it very hard for me to recall things.

I miss Numan Abdulrahman bin Ahmad Najmi... My sister's son, thats who.. Abang loves kissing Numan and everytime he sees Numan's picture, he'd be like, "Baby.... Babyyy.....". He can be gentle to Numan but could not be gentle to his baby sister lol..

Noni's wedding is coming up next, InsyaAllah in few months to go.. Still havent sent my dress for tailoring. Gahhh!

Looking forward for February family holiday with the family at A Famosa Melaka.. Hopefully no one will spoil the holiday.

Time flies by so fast.