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Most of the time I really wish I could cry til the tears are all dried. But that would make me blind. Being blind, I can never see the 99% part of the world that I plan to explore…

They say when you’re going through many tough rides in life, it only means that Allah s.w.t. loves you cause Allah s.w.t. loves them who cries to Allah and pray and think of Allah s.w.t. There are no other better way to seek for help other than from Allah s.w.t. himself. Yes, I very much understand that..

But, the problem with me..

I am just too embarrass to seek or ask help from Allah s.w.t. cause my mind is set that this is what I get for all the sins I have done in the past life.. =”(.. I am embarrassed of my selfishness for turning to Allah s.w.t. only when I need Allah.. And when I didn’t need him, where was I? Lost in my own world until those walls starts closing in and slowly tumbles upon me.. ='(..

I don’t know what I am. But I know sometimes, I feel so far from Allah s.w.t. =’(… And when I am half way there to almost feeling close to Allah, something or someone pisses me off and I shut my moods to pray anymore =’(.. That easily =’(..

I don’t know most of whatever I am inside, are good, or bad =’(..