.Cleared But Not Discharged.

Alhamdulillah, Akid's urine is clear from bacteria.. But unfortunately not clear from discharge. Sigh. Need to come back for XRay scan pulak on July. Kidney needs scanning. InsyaAllah hes all good and healthy.. Aamiin..

So this coming Thursday, Akid needs to be mentally and physically prepared.. Adra pn sama.. She's next in line if the female circumcision doctor is in. Its gonna be a VERY FRAGILE weekend for me :(..

.Custom Size Mattress.

I am so happy at the moment!!

See, I ordered this customize babycot + daybed for Akid and I was so confident that the measurement was the size of a standard single size bed. Unfortunately, when it arrived, I was so upset that the mattress didn't fit!!

And so the hunt for custom size mattress began. Luck was there but for a costly price!! I was about to give up until my heart was moved to enter this furniture shop. I asked whether the mattress available was the size of 38 x 60 and he said no cause all the small size are standard size of single size bed. And then he said, if I want a custom size mattress, it would take around 10 days. I asked the price. He said RM250!!!! WTF the cheapest here in JB!!! And so near to my house!!! I agreed on the spot and paid deposit!!

All those times going so far for a custom when there's one right here at the back of my taman!! There were sparkles in my eyes!!! Thank you Sindy Furniture!!!

So Akid's gonna have his circumcision tomorrow or the day after InsyaAllah.. Cant bear to delay it any longer.

. Muhammad Akid Faizin bin Ahmad Shahir.

Alhamdulillah..

5th February 2017, I gave birth to my 2nd handsome baby boy. Muhammad Akid Faizin bin Ahmad Shahir, 3kg and healthy :)...

It took a long cut to let that lad out but the moment the doctor pulled him out, everyone in the ward said Alhamdulillah!! Hahaha.. It came close to forcep but Alhamdulillah it didn't happened. I end up with a long stitch above my bikini line and a very hard round shape due to anesthetic injection.

Its gonna take a while to size down :(.. But Alhamdulillah so far, 10kg down.. Another 10 more to go! Hopefully breastfeed lasts up to 2 years or more InsyaAllah, Aamiin aamiin aamiin..

InsyaAllah will post a picture of Akid soon :)..

.Pregnant Mom Jots.

Only left a month and a week til due date.. And I had to be the brave betch for 10 minutes and read hospital ghost stories just to end up scaring myself for the next 3 days when I get warded. Aihhh.

Lately I always defecate half way through my meals! Always! But my meals are clean and I'm not allergic to it. I think its the baby -.-. I noticed that everytime my baby moves at this certain angle, it straight away upsets my tummy. And I just cant hold it. Just gotta let em out. So I end up throwing the other half of my meal. Waste of good food!

Plus Ive been so emotionally unstable these past few months.

And I have custom ordered my baby cot and just hoping its good, beautiful and strong... Its a multipurpose cot.. A cot, a bed or a sofa bed :).. Harap2 dpt before bersalin.. And plus I need to buy the custom mattress at Taman Molek nnt.. :)..

Thats all for now..

.That 1 Night.

I remember this one night.

I was sulking and rebelling in my room cause mom and dad made last minute change of mind after agreeing to let me join a camp held by school. I was so pissed. I didnt get out of my room. I didnt eat. I didnt make a sound. I didnt turn on the light. And there was no loud music blasting.

Too silence means theres something wrong. Cause usually I would make a scene.

So that night, mom unlocked my door with a spare key.

I remember her hugging me and I felt tears down my cheek. But I still there still pretending to be asleep. And she was still crying when she said,

"Ibu ayah mntk maaf. Ayah bg pergi tp ibu xbg. Bkn ibu xnk bg dira pergi camp tu. Tp ayah cme ade RM10 je dlm bank. Ayah tgh xde duet nk bg dira mkn kalau dira pergi camp. Ibu mntk maaf sgt kt dira... Ade rezeki nnt ibu bg dira pergi ye nak.. Ibu syg dira..."

And I guess she must have thought I was asleep. She kissed me, walked out slowly and locked the door.

That night, it was like Allah swt was trying to tell me to have mercy on my parents cause not everything I want, I'll get. And not everything that doesnt go my way, needs to have a reason, specially when its my parents.

The next day, I was back to normal.

Later that week, I found out that dad used his savings to pay off a large amount of credit card debts so that he could terminate it for good and before more problem piles up cause he still had few credit cards to settle.

I cant explain how that truth made me felt about the day I rebelled over some stupid camp.

I promised myself that Id never trouble their money again. I never signed up for any camps. And I kept myself isolated from friends so that I dont feel the need to join them hanging out at some malls and have expensive lunch together.

Thank you Allah swt for that 1 night you gave me, that 1 night that taught me that I should always be grateful with whatever I have and whatever that I cant have. :).

.PENAT DA BADAN!.

Sahey keje 4 ari, cuti 1 ari and then continued another 4 days.

I feel like I havent got any rest for 9 days! For a pregnant lady, I should have been given enough rest and enough help for the first trimester. But I am doing all the heavy work.

Kepala sakit. Badan sakit. Perut sakit. Celah vagina pn sakit! Kadang2 rasa nk lari dr rumah and duduk je kt hotel and no need to worry about any chores or heavy work!!

PENAT SGT LA!!!

Tdo xckup makes me so moody and angry.

Tp aku syg anak2 aku.. Tak sanggup nk tdo time dorang tgh jaga :(.. Dorang pulak jarang tdo.. Sakit kepala and mata tahan xtdo. And no one understands.

I try to keep myself awake by making books. Book after books. Even making books are already giving me finger aches. Urut da berterabor.

Alhamdulillah I have taught myself to put these phones aside so that I can focus on the house chores and the kids.. Just havent got time for myself...

Assalamualaikum..

.First Batch, Pregnant, CHECK.

Good news..

InsyaAllah, Me Billa and Noni are pregnant...

Well Noni needs to reconfirm pregnancy strip with KKM and get her Red Book.. Me and Billa Alhamdulillah already got our Red Book..

Me with my thrid, Billa with her second and Noni with her first.. InsyaAllah.. :)

Moms got a lot of work cut out for her early next year. I due on the February while Noni and Billa are probably on the same month, April... XD..

Owh well.. Alhamdulillah is all there is to say and InsyaAllah may Allah swt bless our pregnancy journey and our and our babies health.. Aamiin aamiin aamiin...

So unexpected hahah...

.This Small Boat Is Sinking FAST!.

Arini aku stress. Stress sgt,

I've been yelling 1 whole day at the kids because of small mistakes. I've been trying to shut my eyes but I cant get a good sleep! Sneezing is annoying me to the max! All because of this fight me and Sahey are going through.

Wait is my blog private or public?

You know what. I DONT CARE!

I dont have anywhere else to let these off my chest so I am gonna crap shit in here.

It was a month break up before we got engaged. So why did you chased after me if you're not willing to change??????

Did you know what I threw away just to show you that I meant it when I said I'll change if that'll make things for the better???

And what did you do for a change to improve this relationship???\

If you think it was as easy as giving up my piercings, YOU THOUGH DAMN WRONG!!!! EVEN THOSE PIERCINGS OF MINE MEANT A LOT TO ME!! EVERY LITTLE DAMN HOLE I MADE ON MY FACE!!!

I've gave you what you wanted, so what more do  you want just so you'd give up your "SINGLE LIFE" habits for your family???

Its funny how everyone thought we're a happy married couple when truth is, we're screwed and just waiting for this small boat to sink! NO! Truth is, this small boat is already sinking but I'm holding both my kids up high so they don't drown with us!

Da a smpai sni je.

Aku penat.

.Stay At Subang And Work?.

I've been doing some deep thinking lately.

What if I leave JB with the kids and stay at Subang just so that I could get a job while having my mom to take care of the kids..?

What would you have to say about it Ahmad Shahir Abdullah..?

I think its time I start earning my own money cause it makes me feel stupid and shameful to beg for money from him.

Maybe this will make things equal.

You're always saying its not enough without being thankful to Allah swt first for the rezqi he gave us. When you say its never enough for you. Then it'll never be enough for any of us.

So much to say, but you're not listening anyway.

Its not just money. Its not just attention. Its not just conversations. Go figure. Its hurting me even when I dont say it. Even when I'm smiling.

Its that phase again in relationship. Where strong waves hits the rock and breaks it to pieces. Problem is, once the pieces are swept far and deep into the ocean, you'll never find it. What more piecing it back.

So tell me.

What is it that you want that you think is good for you and your family??

.Anger.

I am tired. I am exhausted. I am .

Sigh. I cant shake these mood swings off of me. :(.

So many bad memories gushing inside my head and that unsatisfied, regretful feeling of not defending myself in the name of "respect" and "manners" really pisses me off!!!

Thats why I have weird status on my facebook wall. Cause I dont know where else to channel it.

I cant throw glass bottles like I use to. I dont even have a glass bottle!

The more these stupid memories are stuck playing in my head, the more inconsiderate I am when I meet these assholes! The more hypocrite I am. The more obvious these insincere smiles will be. It is a good thing for me. But not to my "other half".

So much anger. So much anger since childhood, it makes you feel old at an age you're suppose to be active. I wanna kill.